tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7536257887675570382024-03-13T04:44:42.176-07:00Our Tiny AngelsExploring our journey from grief to hope after the second trimester miscarriage of our IUI twins,
Aliya Amy and Bennett Paul.Amy L.http://www.blogger.com/profile/17013013895577702357noreply@blogger.comBlogger158125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-753625788767557038.post-20388316913107824392016-03-28T17:53:00.001-07:002016-03-28T17:53:22.481-07:00Here we go againI've debated whether or not to write here again. I truly lack the time and energy, but not the fear of putting myself back out there again. My motivation right now, though, is guilt...guilt that as much as I documented my pregnancy with Asher, I've said virtually nothing about this baby currently growing in my belly. What kind of a mother am I? Do I want this baby less?<br />
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No. I will say, though, that it all still seems surreal, and I find myself sometimes forgetting I'm pregnant...that is, until I barf again.<br />
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Let me back up.<br />
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I added a new page to this blog to document our infertility journey. I didn't have it written down anywhere in a single location. You can find the page in my blog menu.<br />
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Paul and I are so over the moon with Asher, but we never wanted to be a family of just three. However, my struggles with postpartumm anxiety turned plain ol' anxiety really made me second guess the idea of trying again. We finally decided to take the leap in August 2015 through donor egg IVF. The process took longer than we'd hoped, with scheduling pre-cycle tests, selecting a donor, pulling together the funds, and having another hysteroscopy to remove polyps. Finally, in December, it was time to start meds. Given we chose to use an anonymous frozen donor egg program, the guaranteed two healthy blastocysts that were created were frozen when they reached Day 5, so I could do my meds relatively stress-free, without having to worry about timing my uterine lining and hormones with embryo growth. It was crazy easy compared to what we'd gone through in the past. On transfer day, we transferred on fully hatched, perfect Day 6 blast. Five days later, I had an unbelievably faint BFP, one that barely progressed in darkness over the next several days. Betas confirmed a nice, sticky pregnancy, and our first ultrasound showed one embryo with a heartbeat.<br />
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This first trimester has been painfully long for me, although Paul says it's gone by fast. Today, I am 13 weeks 4 days pregnant. Baby is the size of a peach. I've been in maternity clothes since 10 weeks 3 days, and started feeling baby move at 11.5 weeks. I have been really sick again this time, throwing up more in the last week than ever, and definitely more than I did with Asher. Frankly, I've been miserable, and not terribly grateful most days. I actually had to miss Asher's first public Easter egg hunt last weekend because I was home throwing up. Good times. It's bad enough that I'm fairly positive that I will not do this again. Our one remaining embryo - while we hope/plan to not have to make a choice as to its fate until this child is 12 months old and the risk of SIDS is super low - will likely not make it into my uterus. I just can't fathom having a fourth first trimester filled with all day morning sickness...and worry.<br />
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This weekend I'll reach the same gestation as I was when Aliya's water broke. My anxiety level has ratcheted up significantly as the weekend approaches. I'm using my home Doppler daily to make sure my little passenger is still with us...and kind of surprised to hear that galloping heartbeat each time. My OB sees me every two weeks, so I'll get to see baby again this week. At 16 weeks I'll start 17P shots and biweekly cervical length monitoring again, so that'll be my next milestone. After that, anatomy scan between 18-20 weeks, when we'll finally get to learn the sex of our fourth child.<br />
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For now, it's back to parenting our beautiful, funny, smart and active toddler boy and managing my nausea and vomiting.Amy L.http://www.blogger.com/profile/17013013895577702357noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-753625788767557038.post-58855322937118899082015-10-27T15:39:00.002-07:002015-10-27T15:43:02.957-07:00Still rough around the edgesI've been carrying the below around on a sticky note for years, since three months after I was diagnosed with PPD and PTSD, in fact, and rereading it, I realized it still rings true...although the glue is no longer as fresh.<br />
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*****<br />
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6/26/12<br />
I am a China cup, once all pretty patterned, smooth outside, delicate handle. Then, dropped to the ground, shattered, scattered in jagged pieces. Now, glued slowly back together, still patterned, still a cup, but now imperfect, rumpled, no longer smooth. I still hold the same inside, mostly, but it's moved by the lumpiness of the glued together fragments.<br />
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The same, but not at all.Amy L.http://www.blogger.com/profile/17013013895577702357noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-753625788767557038.post-31874037789151208602015-06-15T13:27:00.001-07:002015-06-15T13:27:45.270-07:00Feeling all the feelingsAsher recently moved up to the toddler room at daycare. He's following their routines, washing his hands, closing and opening doors, putting toys away. Sharing. Today, while signing Paul and myself up to chaperone some of the class's summer field trips, the date of one I was considering popped out for the first time, even though I've looked at it numerous times in the last week.<div>
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August 5th. The day my babies died.</div>
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My breath caught in my throat. After a quick deliberation, I signed up to chaperone that day. I suppose it's better to spend a few hours at a park and getting ice cream with my rainbow boy, who turns two in just six days, than trying not to cry while sitting among my co-workers at my desk, very few of whom know my story.</div>
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It's clear that so many people around me have forgotten about our babies. Life has moved on. We have a handsome handful of a towhead toddler running us ragged. We must be all fixed, like none of it ever happened.</div>
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It's true that I have joy in my life today. I laugh every day at and with my funny boy. He's the life of every party, and has a harem of little girlfriends at daycare. He's a sunshine, no doubt, an extrovert and people person, making friends right and left with people of all ages. As much happiness as he brings me, his siblings are missing. There are holes in our family that can't be filled by anyone, not even him.</div>
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This past weekend we joined other bereaved parents at the TEARS Foundation's Rock & Walk event in honor of our lost babies. In talking with my friend at and after the event, several feelings came up: the anxiety leading up to the event, the absolute annoyance during the event (like why in fuck do we need a 45 minute opening ceremony when we're really all there just to remember and honor our dead babies?), and the emotional exhaustion after. As I walked slowly around the track with my mom ahead of Paul and Asher, I said, "I still cannot believe this is my life." The life of dead babies. Of years of heartbreak and infertility. The exclusion. The isolation. The trying to navigate joy with pain, the devastating guilt I feel when Asher is pummeling my very last nerve, wondering when, if ever, these contradictory feelings will fade.</div>
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We're almost to the four year mark. I can look back in my mind's eye to the events that happened on the 4th and 5th of August so many years ago as if I'm watching someone else's movie, detached. But the lingering effects of our journey to build a family and claw my way through the reality of life after babyloss are still very much real and alive.</div>
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It hurts my heart.</div>
Amy L.http://www.blogger.com/profile/17013013895577702357noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-753625788767557038.post-36470487224420487832014-08-02T20:50:00.001-07:002014-08-02T20:50:15.589-07:00Right where I am: 2 years, 11 months and 29 daysI've been so painfully silent on this space for so long - almost a year - that it's hard to know where to even start. There's so much to say, but it jumbles all together in my head and my heart: the joy, the pain, the struggles, the happiness, the growth, the setbacks. I'll pick it up somehow and bring you all forward with me. I credit Angie from Still Life With Circles for reminding me to write my grief as it is today. It feels like a good place to start.<br />
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In two days, we will be at the 3-year anniversary of Aliya's water breaking. 4:50p.m. PDT. In three days, the anniversary of my induction and their deaths and deliveries...the start of our real Hell. For much of the last year, Aliya and Bennett have felt very distant, almost like losing them was a lifetime ago, something that happened before I was me. Mothering a living child after losing our worlds has been very, very difficult and not at all what I imagined. I had no mental space to grieve. I wondered whether I had really just successfully moved forward without them, somehow. The only thing I've really felt for sure, based on how Asher's first year went for me, mentally and emotionally, was that I have serious, serious doubts that I could have actually mothered Aliya and Bennett if they had survived.<br />
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As Asher's first birthday approached, my grief resurfaced, and I found myself in tears and struggling to manage my anxiety (despite continued counseling and Pa.xil). I can't say I honestly felt what I'd been missing out on with the twins, because it wasn't that. Perhaps it was that he was finally reaching such a huge milestone, one that also brought the risk of losing him to SIDS down to negligible. He had been sleeping through the night for five months, he was growing and thriving, showing his personality, and was about to be celebrated by all of our family - both sides - for the first time since his birth. I was full of so many emotions...and also a lot of regret that his first year hadn't been "better"...that I hadn't been better. I guess that's it. Regret breeds regret, which leads to guilt and sorrow...and those roads lead to Aliya and Bennett.<br />
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Now, right on the cusp of our 3-year anniversary (how is that even possible?), even though just a few days ago I remarked to another BLM I know in the flesh (who lost her daughter 11 years ago, so is a veteran) how ok I was at the time...now, for the last two days, the tears have been freely flowing, right under the surface. Last week the dates meant nothing to me (I had to really think about them and their significance to our loss story), but BOOM, yesterday, August 1st, it all came flooding back. It's a cluster, timing-wise...I decided to wean myself off the Pa.xil last weekend (yeah, don't know what I was thinking), I'm PMSing (and spotting, incidentally, the exact same color and consistency as I was this time 3 years ago, although this time it only harkens my cycle, not impending tragedy), and it's anniversary week. Paul's left to go fishing last night, so I had the house and Asher to myself. The anxiety gave me a run, causing me to shut and lock any windows that could possibly allow an intruder to slip in overnight, even thought it was so damned hot in the house and I knew shutting those windows would prevent a good cooling off (I was right). Then, getting ready for bed, I needed Asher. He was sound asleep, but I crept in and put my hands on him to feel him breathe (like Paul and I both do every.single.night, just to be sure). I sat in his rocking chair, quiet as a mouse, listening to him breathe. He stirred, and I then felt like an idiot because if he awoke, it would be my fault! (He didn't, and I was able to slip back out, undetected.) Today, while he napped, I watched Notting Hill...and even the sweet places in the movie that bring me to happy tears then brought me to sobbing for myself, my babies, my fears. God help me.<br />
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Sometimes it pulls at my heart to see 2-year olds playing together, but not always. I always notice twins still, but, thankfully, rarely see girl/boy twins of that age. But as Asher works on standing and walking, and is becoming increasingly in need of reassurance and hugs (mama, really), that's where it grabs me. I am missing those hugs around the neck. I am missing those silly grins and the belly laughs...the sharing of blueberries and pacifiers, the "MumMum" and "Mama". And that hurts so much.<br />
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<br />Amy L.http://www.blogger.com/profile/17013013895577702357noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-753625788767557038.post-13506722605747666422013-08-16T08:41:00.001-07:002013-08-16T08:41:06.492-07:00The truthI wrote the following post over a period of days a couple of weeks ago. I've tried blogging several times over the past month and just wasn't able to finish "adequately". I'm happy to say that a couple of weeks in Asher's development (and some meds for me) have made a bunch of difference, so the below is a reflection of where I have been...not where I am now (thank God!). Still, in the interest of honesty, I thought it relevant to publish, so here it is. I'll work on a more up-to-date entry (with photos of my little man!) soon.<br />
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I have had posts rattling around in my brain for weeks, but no energy, time or presence of mind to actually write them down. I decided to put Asher back down to sleep after our 4 am feeding session so I could pump, and then thought, Hell, sleep would be nice, but I'm making myself crazy with the lack of blog posting. What stays in my brain causes me stress and strife, sort of like the feng shui adage, a cluttered house is a cluttered mind.<br />
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The last six weeks have been a blur, of course. I wish I could say a blissful blur, but that would be a lie.<br />
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I know what I'm about to write is normal - and I say this because I recently was given a booklet filled with essays written by moms, and could relate to nearly all of them - but life as a new mother is painfully difficult, stressful, self-doubt-filled, and not at all the dream I always imagined.<br />
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I guess that's part of the issue; as I read on another blog recently (forgive me for being unable to remember whose, but know your words are important to me!), all these years of infertility (it would be six in October), the loss of our twins and all the heartache associated with the two led me to focus so much on getting and staying pregnant that I really wasn't prepared for what comes after (when disaster doesn't strike). The last six weeks have been filled with mind blowing exhaustion, frustration of not understanding what this crying baby needs when all the obvious issues have been addressed, the emotional and physical pain of breastfeeding problems, the complete lack of time for myself, fear that I'm doing things wrong, feeling that I - who used to be so organized and on top of things - can't manage my time to save my life, wondering if I was cut out for this at all, thinking that perhaps that's why my twins died, because I couldn't have handled them, etc.<br />
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Layered over top of all of this - and probably behind a lot of it - is postpartum depression again, with a healthy side of its bitchy sibling, postpartum anxiety. Yep, despite my best efforts (as if we have control over these things) and the frantic consumption of my dehydrated placenta capsules as per label, PPD again has clouded my mind. I thought I was ok, but I will fully admit that the feeding issues with Asher really brought me to my knees, so that one day I was ok, and the next I was telling my counselor that I was concerned about myself. She told me I have "moderate to severe"PPD/PPA, had the talk with me about intrusive thoughts (bad thoughts that aren't things I'd come up with on my own but that are pervasive and overwhelming), and encouraged me to see my naturopath (today) for drug-free support options (if there are any). I've mentioned before my history of major depression; this obviously isn't my first rodeo. What I can say with conviction is that while there are times I have no interest in things and feel completely overwhelmingly depressed, most of the time I am very functional, 100% able to care for and bond with my son (who I am so in love with!), able to (and desiring) a shower and clean clothes, etc. I have little to no appetite (a symptom), I have a hard time seeing things with a positive eye, and am glad I still have 5.5 more weeks left of my leave so that hopefully, by the time I go back to work, I will have dug myself out of this with help and can go back feeling confident in my abilities to manage my life. Right now, a lot of the time, not so much. I've found myself cursing this town I live in for being so far away from my family and friends (because, damn it, it does take a village to raise a child, but moreso for the support of the mother, I think). I do have a dear friend who lives 45 minutes away from me and is also a mom of a little (Asher's best friend!), and we spent a few hours just talking and walking in the mall yesterday, something I really needed and wouldn't have done by myself. (Wouldn't you know, this child of mine, who lately is fighting every nap during the day and is therefore prone to major, epic, turning-purple/not-making-vocal-sounds/full-body-sweat meltdowns once or twice a day - to the point where he can only be interrupted by blowing in his face - fell asleep and slept almost the entire time in his stroller.)<br />
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One thing that has had frightening and disappointing familiarity is the speed at which people - mostly other mothers - discount the feelings and experiences of those of us dealing with troubles in what should be a blissful time. From having people tell me 10,000 times that at least my child can eat (don't say this to a babyloss mom...we know all to well what the alternative could be, and it probably isn't the one these ignorant women who say things like that would even think of), that it doesn't matter whether baby is fed from the breast or bottle (believe me, for someone like me, whose body has failed in this becoming-a-parent job so many times in so many awful, terrible ways, it DOES matter!), I am reminded (and revisited by that sick feeling in my stomach) of all the unintentionally hurtful things people (mostly women!) said to me after we lost the twins. Why is acknowledging someone's feelings and experience so difficult, so that instead we have to discount or one-up or minimize another?<br />
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Asher is wonderful, beautiful, perfect and still, unbelievably, mine. He has started smiling and cooing this week, and it's divine (and couldn't come at a better time for me emotionally). He knows I am his mama. My heart melts when his little hand grabs my arm in the middle of the night as I burp him after a feeding, when I'm the one who can ease his crying. I know I can meet his needs, maybe not the way I want to, but in a way that satisfies him (minus the over-tired meltdowns...still trying to figure that part out, and CIO sleep training is not something that Paul and I are comfortable with, thank you). We did end up taking him to a Portland ENT on July 8th after having a private Facebook conversation with the doctor late on the evening of July 6th (a Saturday!), where Asher was diagnosed with a stage 4 upper lip tie (ULT) and stage 4 posterior tongue tie (PTT), the most restrictive kinds. Mother's intuition is alive and well. We are thrilled we pursued this so aggressively. Even if Asher and I never have a full time breastfeeding relationship when it's all said and done (we're still trying, and making some headway), Paul and I know that by having his ties laser corrected, we will avoid the awful tooth decay, speech problems and head and neck issues usually associated with ties like these. (Turns out I'm tongue tied, too, and never knew it...and I am plagued with head and neck tensions, TMJ issues, etc.) The procedure was very quick, relatively painless, and probably easier on Asher than the stretches we had to 4 times daily for the subsequent three weeks were. (He and I both cried the first time, but it got easier, and now we're done.) I took him back to Portland two Fridays ago to visit with a highly recommended lactation consultant/herbalist/craniosacral therapist, and that was super helpful. Thanks to her, we are now breastfeeding at least once a day using a nipple shield for a deeper latch (he still hurts me without a shield). I am having supply problems despite a tincture she blended for me, so I may have a drug in my future to help with that...if I decide to continue with this. It has been terribly disappointing and frustrating, and the supply issues make it really hard to not internalize this experience and beat myself with it (even though Asher's anatomical issues caused it all to begin with, and I would certainly never chastise HIM for it!).<br />
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<br />Amy L.http://www.blogger.com/profile/17013013895577702357noreply@blogger.com13tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-753625788767557038.post-32299985302834433662013-07-06T18:00:00.000-07:002013-07-06T18:00:01.392-07:00Time fliesAsher Paul is two weeks and one day old today (well, technically, at 10:10 tonight). I'd always heard how fast time blows by with children in the picture, but I truly had no idea. I feel like I'm living in a time warp. I labored and pushed this kid out of me two weeks ago?! How is that even possible?<br />
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I always sort of wondered why BLMs tended to disappear for a while once their rainbows arrived safely. How naive. I totally get it now. In my world, at least, time is sucked up by visitors, trying to change and feed my son (more on that below), and squeezing in minor chores where I can, etc. "Sleep when the baby sleeps"?! Yeah, right. Maybe if I had a sister wife.<br />
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Asher is doing well. He's perfect, downright gorgeous...more beautiful and precious than our wildest dreams could have imagined. I still can't believe he was in my belly! He sleeps like his daddy (hard, and with one or both arms behind his head a lot of the time), pees a LOT, only cries when he needs food or a diaper change, and sleeps for 4-5 hours overnight (thank you, baby!!). He has Paul's hair line (and a perfect little hairdo) and crease (not frown line!) above the corner of his right eyebrow (Paul said his grandpa had it, too), long fingers, kissable feet, a little outie belly button (so far), chubby cheeks, a slight chin divot, and navy blue eyes (so far) that look metallic in certain light. We love him to itty bitty pieces.<br />
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My recovery from vaginal delivery is going well, too. I had a second degree tear that my OB gave the all clear on yesterday at my 2-week postpartum visit (stitches have already dissolved, yippee!). I'm also down 40+ pounds, and my blood pressure is stabilizing (although I had a scare last Friday when I had a "visual disturbance", BP of 159/91, and fears of late onset preeclampsia). Dr. M. was right, most of my excessive weight gain was water weight (I almost wrote "precipitation"...truly, lack of sleep does some crazy stuff to the brain!). My belly is deflated and squishy, and covered in stretch marks, but I don't mind. (Actually, all those weeks of trying to prevent stretch marks by covering my skin in Palmer's Cocoa Butter lotion has made my skin freakishly soft!) My ankles are totally back and slender, and the tops of my feet are finally almost back to their former unswollen selves. (I think my feet are still wider than the narrows they started out as. I'll be interested to see how they turn out when it's time for new shoes.) I'm grateful to be off Zofran (woohoo!!), my hemorrhoid is healing (double woohoo!), and all those crazy aches and pains are gone, replaced by a daily propensity to nod off and a sore back (from holding my baby all the time?). I'm thrilled with all of these things.<br />
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Things aren't smooth by any means, though. Asher and I have some pretty significant feeding challenges. When we left the hospital, we came home armed with a rented Lactina pump, a syringe and tube for supplemental feedings, a nipple shield and formula...everything I NEVER wanted. I was running on very, very little sleep (like maybe 6-8 hours total between Thursday night and Sunday night), had painful nipples and was stressed out by my son's inability or lack of desire to breastfeed. We'd heard, by discharge, many different opinions as to what was going on: small mouth, tongue thruster, biter, lower lip tucker, too smart, lazy. The lactation consultant finally saw us on Sunday afternoon (I should have called Le Leche League on Saturday!!) and sent us home with instructions to continue using the nipple shield if needed, but to try pumping to bring out my nipple so he'd latch without the shield. If that didn't work, we were to slip the feeding tube under the nipple shield and "reward" him for sucking by giving him formula. It was a three-person job: me manning the shield and providing the boob, Paul slipping the tube in and dispensing formula from the syringe, and my mom, who stayed with us during our first week home, attempting to get his lower lip flanged out. It was super frustrating and very high maintenance. I hated the pump, my nipples were killing me, and I was so, so sad that what comes easy to so many people seemed impossible for us. A few days in and we resorted to the bottle for the sake of all of us (adults, that is...Asher was well fed any way you sliced it, so he didn't care). We took Asher back to the hospital with us for an outpatient lactation consultation, where we learned that he was only "transferring" 4 mL of milk through the nipple shield (both nipples!), so were cautioned to ditch the thing all together. (I was also very, very engorged for three days, including the day of the consultation, so he wasn't getting much out of me, period.)<br />
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I suspected something more was going on, something physical. We got a referral from a pediatrician to a local ENT, who poked around his mouth and declared he had an upper lip tie (ULT), "purely cosmetic"...one that he'd either outgrow, or, if not, that would cause a space between his two front teeth, "like David Letterman's". After asking around and doing my own research, I've learned that ULTs often cause breastfeeding problems and tooth decay, AND, even worse, are usually accompanied by posterior tongue ties (PTTs), which DO cause feeding problems. Our pediatrician gave us a referral to Seattle Children's ENT department, but there are two specialists - one in Seattle and one in Portland - that Paul and I are considering instead. Both fully understand the significance of ULTs and PTTs in relation to successful breastfeeding relationships, so we would be taken seriously.<br />
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While we work to figure out who to see, I continue to pump. Today I'm ok with pumping; other days, I hate it with a white hot passion. Having visitors over really throws things off, so I end up skipping pumping sessions, which can hurt my supply (and pumping by itself can hurt my supply). I can only get Asher to latch onto my breast and feed about 50% of the times I try every day, and what seems to work (although not always) is feeding him a bit from a bottle (enough to take the edge off and stave off crying, but not too much that he's no longer hungry), pumping for at least 5 minutes on the side I want to try so that my nipple is primed and protruding far enough, and then trying, trying, trying to latch him on. He's chomped on me, made me bleed, caused cracks...but still I try. I'd rather have him latching poorly than not at all at this point. I'm also taking supplements to boost my milk supply - Mother's Milk Tea (I'd heard it tasted awful, but it's got fennel seed in it and reminds me of Indian food, which I love) and More Milk tincture (just started today). I'm also taking my encapsulated placenta as a supplement, more to help prevent recurrent postpartum depression, but also to help with my milk supply. I am getting about 1.5 to 2 ounces of milk with each pumping session, not quite enough for a meal for Asher, but getting close. Dr. M. took me off Lasix yesterday out of concerns for my milk supply, so we'll see what, if anything, that does to improve it.<br />
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Baby Boy is stirring. Thus begins the next feeding session...fill and warm a bottle, change diaper, feed baby, attempt the boob, finish feeding baby (likely), put baby down...and pump. But first, some pictures...<br />
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">In the hospital. Look at his luscious locks!</td></tr>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Hanging in his favorite spot. :)</td></tr>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">A very, very common sight in our house right now.</td></tr>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-UqazfDM1HO4/Udi8Oh6uS8I/AAAAAAAABYQ/OIDIOLBGacg/s1600/photo-6.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="320" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-UqazfDM1HO4/Udi8Oh6uS8I/AAAAAAAABYQ/OIDIOLBGacg/s320/photo-6.JPG" width="240" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Another very common sight.</td></tr>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-dKIcvSR4U-Q/Udi8OaP6sqI/AAAAAAAABYM/DthBez7f_X0/s1600/photo-8.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="320" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-dKIcvSR4U-Q/Udi8OaP6sqI/AAAAAAAABYM/DthBez7f_X0/s320/photo-8.JPG" width="240" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">He is all boy! <3</td></tr>
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<br />Amy L.http://www.blogger.com/profile/17013013895577702357noreply@blogger.com15tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-753625788767557038.post-234633927018369692013-06-27T05:32:00.001-07:002013-10-06T08:10:39.641-07:00JoyOur rainbow baby boy, Asher Paul, made his debut on Friday, June 21st at 10:10 p.m. He weighed 8 pounds 3 ounces and measured 19 inches long and is perfect and healthy. We are in love, in awe, and still can't believe he's really here...really ours.<div><br></div><div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><a href="https://lh5.googleusercontent.com/-FzcvKS2wLms/Ucww-ZU_jYI/AAAAAAAABXk/ZFzPdXEcd-8/s640/blogger-image-228355706.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://lh5.googleusercontent.com/-FzcvKS2wLms/Ucww-ZU_jYI/AAAAAAAABXk/ZFzPdXEcd-8/s640/blogger-image-228355706.jpg"></a></div></div><div><br></div>Amy L.http://www.blogger.com/profile/17013013895577702357noreply@blogger.com31tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-753625788767557038.post-42061383716024876692013-06-18T18:32:00.002-07:002013-06-18T18:32:16.134-07:0038 weeks - and a planThis is officially our last week of pregnancy. We are being induced a week from today, Tuesday, June 25th, at 39 weeks exactly...provided my meds don't let us down and force an earlier delivery. Unbelievable!<br />
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*****<br />
<b>How Far Along:</b> E2 is 38 weeks today. He's ready to be "on the outside"!<br />
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<b>Total Weight Gain/Loss:</b> Hmm. As of yesterday, an ungodly amount - an extra, and unexplainable, 4 lb gain over last Monday's appointment. Not good. By my calculations (pre-pregnancy), I'm up 45 pounds. By Dr. M.'s, more like 40. I'm noticing that I'm not peeing as much (volume-wise) and am having more trouble with perma-swelling of my feet and right hand, so I think a lot of it is fluid. (Must be, because I truly haven't been eating as much lately as before. It's actually harder for me to stick to a schedule being home than it was at work.)<br />
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<b>Maternity Clothes:</b> Yes. My pants are more snug in the hips than ever before, which makes sense based on how painful my hips, pubic bone and lower back feel. I'm pretty sure everything down there is spreading out in anticipation of delivery. Now I'm starting to wonder what I'll wear <i>after</i> he comes. :)<br />
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<b>Movement: </b>This kiddo's knobby bits are getting uncomfortable. I think the biggest culprit is either his heel or his knee, and boy, does he ever like to jab me with it!<br />
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<b>Sleep: </b>Pretty hit and miss. One night over the past week I got no more than 4 hours of sleep. I just couldn't. It really sucked.<br />
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<b>Gender: </b>A baby brother for Aliya and Bennett.<br />
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<b>Belly Button In or Out: </b>Out.<br />
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<b>Freak-out of the Week:</b> None, really. Lots of daily tears. Last Thursday's NST at the hospital didn't go well. This time it wasn't me, it was E2 not participating. He slept soundly through the first half of it, so they gave me cranberry juice to wake him up. That worked a bit, but instead of showing the necessary 15 beat-per-minute increase in heart rate each time he moved, he either showed little increase or a decrease. Um, HELLO!! Not cool. The nurse was great, and decided a biophysical profile was probably in order. She called Dr. M., who concurred. I had to wait for the transport guy to fetch me from L&D with a wheelchair and whiz me down hallways, up a level in the elevator, and down another long hallway to the ultrasound room. Baby did fine during the BPP, although he waited until the last few minutes to practice breathing for the required 30 seconds. He did do it, and passed the BPP with a score of 8 out of 8. Until then, I was really starting to wonder whether we'd be induced that day. Thankfully, no.<br />
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<b>Looking Forward To: </b>Hopefully having a good NST on Thursday and making it to induction smoothly. And, obviously, meeting this baby boy and seeing who he looks like. I'm ready to get this show on the road. My pubic bone and hips hurt enough that I grimace every time I <br />
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stand up from a seated position and try to walk. I'm sure recovering from childbirth will be no picnic, but I can't imagine having *this* pain continue to get worse every couple of days like it has been over the past week. Also, having the nursery and guest room done, the furniture put back into the rooms (or assembled in the room for the first time, in the case of the nursery), so I can have my house back. :)<br />
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<b>Miscellaneous: </b>This week has been filled with helper angels. Our sister-in-law's older sister has come over twice to paint in the nursery and has done a beautiful job. I love the color. My poor colorblind husband can't really see it so thinks it's white (it's not, it's a pale aqua), but I love how it changes as the light changes. It'll be perfect with the fabrics I bought for the nursery. We're waiting on carpet installation, and then we can put everything together. Yesterday, Paul's sister surprised me with a visit and spent the entire day weeding our overgrown yard, which, as you know, has been a sore spot for me the last while. She brought a pick axe (!) and put it to good use. I feel such relief, and I know Paul does, too. It's not lost on me, though, that once this baby is here, we probably won't care WHAT our property looks like, nor will we have time to. :)<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-BBkPGdXj6VE/UcEJqmi6Y4I/AAAAAAAABXI/9geaWX6yjQ4/s1600/photo-3.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="240" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-BBkPGdXj6VE/UcEJqmi6Y4I/AAAAAAAABXI/9geaWX6yjQ4/s320/photo-3.JPG" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">E2 at 37w6d with his hand by his mouth (and chubby cheek).</td></tr>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">The belly at 38 weeks. Dropped much?</td></tr>
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<br />Amy L.http://www.blogger.com/profile/17013013895577702357noreply@blogger.com8tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-753625788767557038.post-32570910832342198962013-06-11T17:29:00.001-07:002013-06-15T23:39:54.216-07:00Full term - 37 weeks<b style="color: #333333; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 20px;">How Far Along:</b><span style="color: #333333; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 20px;"> 37 weeks today. If E2 is gaining an ounce per day as things I read say he should be, he's likely over 8 pounds now, and the length of a full-sized baby.</span><br />
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<b style="color: #333333; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 20px;">Total Weight Gain/Loss:</b><span style="color: #333333; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 20px;"> My weight gain finally slowed down, signaling I'm closer to delivery. Woohoo! I only gained a pound over last week.</span><br />
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<b style="color: #333333; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 20px;">Maternity Clothes:</b><span style="color: #333333; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 20px;"> Yes.</span><br />
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<b style="color: #333333; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 20px;">Movement:</b><span style="color: #333333; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 20px;"> Moving and shaking a lot every day. His knobby bits (elbows? heels? knees?) are sometimes causing discomfort when he really pushes them out, and his little butt gets shoved up and out all the time. He's been practice breathing a lot. Last night we got to watch him breathe for probably five minutes or more, my belly making tiny rhythmic movements over his back. It was awesome!</span><br />
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<b style="color: #333333; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 20px;">Sleep: </b><span style="color: #333333; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 20px;">A little better lately, although I awoke hungry really early this morning. I was able to go back to sleep for about an hour and a half, which was nice.</span><br />
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<b style="color: #333333; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 20px;">Gender:</b><span style="color: #333333; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 20px;"> A baby brother for Aliya and Bennett.</span><br />
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<b style="color: #333333; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 20px;">Symptoms:</b><span style="color: #333333; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 20px;"> More Braxton Hicks, uncomfortable movements from baby, significant pubic bone and hip pain (making getting up from a seated position really tricky and cumbersome), walking REALLY slow now, lower back pain (center of gravity changing much?!). I'm back on Zofran, but I know the end is near for that particular drug in my life.</span><br />
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<b style="color: #333333; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 20px;">Cravings:</b><span style="color: #333333; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 20px;"> None, really.</span><br />
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<b style="color: #333333; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 20px;">Belly Button In or Out:</b><span style="color: #333333; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 20px;"> Outie. It still looks like a nose to me. :)</span><br />
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<b style="color: #333333; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 20px;">Freak-out of the Week:</b><span style="color: #333333; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 20px;"> Nesting gone awry. Our property is a full time job at just shy of 3 acres, most of it pasture grass (which likes to seed everywhere we don't want it to), vegetable garden and a perennial garden all along the front of the house (something I'd always wanted, but now that I have it, not so much). We do pretty well when we both can participate in upkeep, but when I've been unable to give it my all since September, it's all gone to hell. Family has come two weekends to paint, and that's a huge help, but the outside has been stressing me out...something about bad first impressions, you know? Today a friend and former co-worker came and spent 3 hours power weeding - in the rain, no less! She's amazing and looking outside, I feel so much better. There's still so much to do, but what I see gives me hope. Another friend will be coming over one evening this week to paint the nursery, which isn't done yet. The carpet for both rooms should reach the store later this week and be installed next week, and then we can put our house back together and move furniture back where it belongs. The crib should arrive early next week, we have baby's dresser (can't wait to put all his clothes and things away!), and one of these days we'll choose a nursery chair. We need to buy blinds, light fixtures and door knobs for both rooms still, but that won't be bad. I can't wait to have these things all finished. Unfinished projects have caused me so much stress over the last couple of months!</span><br />
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<b style="color: #333333; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 20px;">Looking Forward To: </b><span style="color: #333333; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 20px;">Learning I'm progressing toward labor...whenever that happens (not yet so much!). Also, attending the 2013 Western Washington Rock & Walk event for The TEARS Foundation on Saturday (hopefully, provided I can manage it) in honor of our twins. It was so meaningful last year. We're both really looking forward to it.</span><br />
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<b style="color: #333333; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 20px;">Next Appointment:</b><span style="color: #333333; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 20px;"> Thursday morning at St. Pete's for another NST, then back to Dr. M.'s Monday for NST and a fluid scan.</span><br />
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<b style="color: #333333; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 20px;">Miscellaneous:</b><span style="color: #333333; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 20px;"> I had yet another good NST at Dr. M.'s yesterday. Everything continues to go well. I do have increased swelling (he demonstrated his ability to leave dents in the tops of my feet with his thumbs, and called my edema "1+"), but my BP was acceptable at 132/67. Not stellar, but not bad by any means. Baby rocked his NST, and I only had a few little Braxton Hicks. Dr. M. swabbed me for the Group B Strep test to determine whether I'll need IV antibiotics during labor (I predict yes, based on previous history, but we'll see), and Sierra made him check my cervix, because "inquiring minds want to know"! He said, "Well, normally I wouldn't, but since I'm already down here..." Ha ha! My cervix felt long and mostly closed still, not too thin but very soft, and baby's head is at a -2 station (meaning not yet engaged...he has 2 cm to go). He mentioned again delivering before my due date based on Dr. E's recommendation. I asked for clarity...are we talking AT 39 weeks, or DURING my 39th week, or BY my 39th week? He said baby will certainly come in June (my 39th week starts June 25th), and if anything indicates a problem, like reduced fluid levels, poor NST response by E2, or increased edema or higher BP for me, then he'll deliver me earlier. So...still pretty vague, but within the next 2+ weeks, E2 should be here. Wow. Not only is that hard to believe, but it's even more mind-blowing that Paul and I both feel ready, at least emotionally...and, at least, right now.</span><br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-mbq_RW4bRJI/UbfAgSQThdI/AAAAAAAABWk/pQF0XoDhUkE/s1600/photo-2.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="320" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-mbq_RW4bRJI/UbfAgSQThdI/AAAAAAAABWk/pQF0XoDhUkE/s320/photo-2.JPG" width="240" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">The belly at 37 weeks.</td></tr>
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<span style="color: #333333; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 20px;"><br /></span>Amy L.http://www.blogger.com/profile/17013013895577702357noreply@blogger.com7tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-753625788767557038.post-67481661311938774532013-06-04T19:44:00.005-07:002013-06-04T19:44:54.101-07:0036 weeksHow on earth did we get here? The last six or so weeks have gone by so, so fast, it's completely mind-blowing. We are three weeks - or probably less - from meeting E2, from confronting a different labor and delivery than the only one we've known, from a different hospital experience. It's so much to think about.<br />
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******<br />
<b>How Far Along:</b> 36 weeks today. E2 is giant. He should be the size of a head of romaine lettuce (height-wise), and weigh over 5 pounds. I have an update on his weight, though. Crikey.<br />
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<b>Total Weight Gain/Loss:</b> I gained two pounds over last week. Huh.<br />
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<b>Maternity Clothes:</b> Yes.<br />
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<b>Movement:</b> This kiddo really likes distorting my belly these days, pushing his little butt out and to the right several times a day. He's stretching a lot more, too, which gets uncomfortable.<br />
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<b>Sleep: </b>Horrid the last few days. Last night I was in a murderous mood, between the heat (mostly generated by E2, he's slowly killing me from the inside out), Paul's mouth-breathing and bed-hogging, the cat screwing around in E2's pack & play (don't even get me started on that!), and the dog scratching on the door to go out four times in about 20 minutes during the middle of the night - plus the fact that I just can't sleep for crap anymore. I am starting to wonder if all of this is preparing for E2's inevitable arrival and overnight needs. Oy.<br />
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<b>Gender:</b> A baby brother for Aliya and Bennett.<br />
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<b>Symptoms:</b> More Braxton Hicks (more on that below), uncomfortable movements from baby, sleep issues...but you know what?! I made it through this entire day without Zofran!!!!!<br />
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<b>Cravings:</b> None, really.<br />
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<b>Belly Button In or Out:</b> 100% out. Crazytown!<br />
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<b>Freak-out of the Week:</b> Ha ha ha. Major freak outs this week. Let's see: there was last Thursday's "routine" NST at St. Pete's, which turned into 3 hours of continuous monitoring and a cervical check for me because I was contracting the entire time (diagnosis: slight dehydration and irritable uterus, but only dilated to a loose 1 cm, no more than 50% effaced, and baby's head was not engaged in my pelvis). That really freaked me out, mostly because I couldn't even feel them, except for three. A lot of the contractions were large, too...I remembered seeing my friend EJ's monitor during her induced labor and the nurse saying they wanted to see contractions over 50...and some of mine were 80-90. And I couldn't even feel them. Holy crap. Talk about lack of confidence now in reading my body during labor!<br />
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The second freak out was yesterday morning. I had another NST scheduled, this time at Dr. M.'s office. Prior to that, I drove into a specialty lingerie shop - pounding water because I could feel contractions and so didn't want a repeat of Thursday's NST at Dr. M.'s later - and got fitted for a couple of "transitional" maternity bras, super stretchy and comfy but with nursing flaps to get me through until I am fitted for "real" nursing bras two weeks postpartum. I cried on the way there. See, I slept very poorly the night before and had several really vivid, scary dreams. Yes, some of that is normal pre-delivery anxiety, but some of it is baby loss trauma. And it sucks. In one, Dr. M. gave me a personal tour of the Family Birth Center, where we'll deliver, and took me into room LL07, where the twins delivered. He was pointing out the Jacuzzi tub and stuff...yeah yeah yeah, we know what's in that room. I in turn pointed out where I delivered Aliya, where I started vomiting uncontrollably, where Paul struggled to get his pants on after waking up in the middle of Bennett's delivery, where the babies lay on the counter as they rushed me in for the D&C, where they were displayed in their bassinet at the foot of my bed for the rest of my 36-hour stay. This part, I know, came in my dreams because we've been faced with whether or not to request a Jacuzzi tub for labor this time, and there are only two in the hospital, room LL07 and LL08 (across the hall, where another family experienced a loss during my stay, based on the tear posted on their door). I awoke from my dreams feeling both overwhelmed with fear that I would contract again during the NST and end up induced or delivering, but also fears of cord accidents the further along we get. Paul and I are taking turns with this fear, thankfully...I can't imagine if we were both struck with this at the same time.<br />
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The appointment at Dr. M.'s, incidentally, was just fine. Baby passed the NST with flying colors, I didn't contract, I have plenty of fluid, and E2 is massive...approximately 7 pounds 11 ounces at this point. Dr. M. still refers to his little paper chart, which indicates E2 is in the 85th percentile, but UW's measurements (and Dr. M.'s own ultrasound machine) indicate he's actually in the 94th percentile. His head is still every bit as big, and is actually swaying the measurements. Lucky me!<br />
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<b>Looking Forward To: </b>I would say another good NST on Thursday, but I appear to have jinxed myself last week, so...<br />
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<b>Next Appointment:</b> Thursday morning at St. Pete's for another NST, then back to Dr. M.'s Monday for NST and a fluid scan.<br />
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<b>Miscellaneous:</b> I was blessed enough yesterday to be surprised at my NST/ultrasound appointment by my dear friend, her hubby and their baby boy (12 weeks old today!), who is E2's BFF. I swear, it's like she read my mind and knew I needed support. Seeing them in the parking lot made my day, and to find out they'd actually stalked me made it all the better. She and the baby kept me company during both my NST and ultrasound, and it was marvelous. Love you, EJ!!!<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-NpNIQjT1O7g/Ua6lbWMxIJI/AAAAAAAABWU/UerwVt16-LU/s1600/photo.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="320" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-NpNIQjT1O7g/Ua6lbWMxIJI/AAAAAAAABWU/UerwVt16-LU/s320/photo.JPG" width="240" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">The belly at 36 weeks. My shirts feel a little short!</td></tr>
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<br />Amy L.http://www.blogger.com/profile/17013013895577702357noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-753625788767557038.post-70657372692071510262013-05-29T09:00:00.003-07:002013-05-29T09:00:55.539-07:0035 weeks 1 day<strong>How Far Along:</strong> 35 weeks 1 day today. E2 should weigh about 5 1/4 pounds and be 20 inches long. The length is probably about right. The weight...not so much!<br />
<br />
<strong>Total
Weight Gain/Loss:</strong> According to Dr. M.'s scale yesterday, I actually lost three pounds compared to my previous visit there. I was up 0.6 pounds from last Thursday's UW appointment...but that's still better for me. It's probably lost water weight.<br />
<br />
<strong>Maternity Clothes:</strong> Always.<br />
<br />
<strong>Movement:</strong> E2's movements are large enough that Paul's actually seeing my belly morph out of the corner of his eye. I'm getting a lot of little knob-like movements across portions of my belly, either elbows, knees or feet. I can't tell which is which, but it feels really strange.<br />
<br />
<strong>Sleep:</strong> Except for the last two days (not sure why), better overall.<br />
<br />
<strong>Gender:</strong> A baby brother for Aliya
and Bennett.<br />
<br />
<strong>Symptoms:</strong> More ligament pains this week, especially on the right side.<br />
<br />
<strong>Cravings:</strong>
Still none.<br />
<br />
<strong>Belly Button In or Out:</strong> Closer to 90-95% outie now, although it still goes flat sometimes, depending on how E2 is positioned.<br />
<br />
<strong>Freak-out of the Week:</strong> Just missing my babies. A lot.<br />
<br />
<strong>Looking Forward To:</strong> Another good non-stress test tomorrow morning.<br />
<br />
<strong>Next</strong>
<strong>Appointment:</strong> Tomorrow morning at St. Pete's for another NST, and then back to Dr. M.'s on Monday for an NST, fluid measurement and quick baby survey. I'm on the twice-a-week NST protocol, i.e. "very heavily monitored" per Dr. M.<br />
<br />
<strong>Miscellaneous: </strong>Last Thursday's appointments at UW turned out ok. Dr. E. wasn't all bad. In fact, I sort of liked his sense of humor (although he decided to tell me why I'm infertile - and he was wrong - so I corrected him...he clearly doesn't know <em>everything</em>). The first appointment of the morning was with his two nurses for an UltraCom, which is this old-school ultrasound of something in the heart (artery?) and a vessel in the throat to measure cardiac output. Those results were charted on this graph...needless to say, I was off the chart (in a bad way) on both, even though I'd been on a beta blocker for three days by then. Incidentally, my BP was 146/83...not my finest.<br />
<br />
The second appointment was a non-stress test, Paul's first. E2 decided to nap through the first 10 minutes, so the nurse had to get the buzzer. Poor little guy...they put this weird microphone/vibrator thing on my belly and buzz for a solid several seconds, and I could literally feel his whole body jump (startle) in my uterus. It took two tries...the first time, he jumped but kept on sleeping! After the second trry, he woke up and performed well, solidly passing the test. Whew.<br />
<br />
The final appointment of the morning was with Dr. E. Paul was getting pretty pissed as we sat there waiting for over an hour in that tiny exam room while we could hear Dr. E. in the hallway. Oh, well...how is that any different than being at Dr. M.'s?! Dr. E's senior fellow came in and asked some questions, and then we waited a bit longer before she and Dr. E. finally came back in. Dr. E. said that while I do indeed have hypertension, mine is the easiest kind to treat. (I honestly took that as a compliment. It's been a very rare occasion over the last three years that anything related to my health or reproduction is classified as "easy".) Since the beta blocker had successfully lowered my heart rate into the normal range in just three days, there was nothing more they could safely do with that drug. Dr. E. said my heart was beating really hard to work at pushing all my extra fluids through my body (as opposed to beating faster to do it, like it had been without the beta blocker), so I needed to shed some extra fluid. He prescribed a diuretic, along with potassium to keep my electrolytes in balance, and said he won't need to see me again. He did say that E2 will need to come no later than my 39th week (and that baby would likely come sooner than that), and that Dr. M. would need to monitor me very closely so that at the first sign of any further BP issues or problems with the baby, I could be delivered right away. The first night I took the diuretic I developed a headache, followed by dizziness, so I paged Dr. M., who assured me it was ok and sent me off to bed. Even though warned I'd pee like a race horse, that hasn't been my experience. My feet look better each morning (a tiny bit swollen, but not like before), and they will swell, as will my hands and face a bit, if I'm upright for too long, but it really is better.<br />
<br />
Paul and I had minor freak outs the rest of the weekend, just the stress of not knowing how soon E2 could be here. We stopped at IKEA on our way home from our UW appointments and bought baby's dresser, then met our doula for a late lunch/early dinner and talked through our birth plan, which I drafted and e-mailed for edits Monday. We have since looked at cribs (we're ever closer) and have cancelled two carpet-shopping appointments because our schedules aren't working out well. My mom and stepdad came over on Saturday and were priming machines, getting the ceilings, trim and closet doors knocked out in both the nursery and guest room. I ordered the fabrics for the nursery and expect them today or tomorrow, so I can finalize the paint colors for the nursery (we're doing wide stripes). I still need bedding for the guest room so I can choose color for those walls, too. And, our sister-in-law came over Monday with several boxes of our nephew's hand-me-downs, and helped me with baby laundry and setting up the pack and play in our bedroom. This week I'll work on packing my hospital bags, just in case, and getting the car seat installed (also a just in case). Having those last two done will really help with my peace of mind, I expect.<br />
<br />
I had my first NST with Dr. M. yesterday, which was fine (E2 passed it right away, just like the very first NST, but had to stay on the monitor 20 minutes and slept through the last 10-15 minutes). We also had a quick ultrasound to check my amniotic fluid levels, which were fine (and not quick, since I had to wait a good 40 minutes for the ultrasound room to become available). (Funny Dr. M. moment of the day, as he scanned the first fluid pocket in the upper left portion of my uterus: "Oh, there are the little boy parts. We'll scan right here. The little boy parts are the fountain," [i.e. fluid-creator].)<br />
<br />
I asked Dr. M. about an induction timeline, and he's back to erring on the side of the "experts", so now he's saying we might make it to 39 weeks, even though last Tuesday night I'll have my last 17P shot (to prevent preterm labor). I don't know now whether to expect baby to possibly be here in another 2 weeks, or another month. I get that lying down has obvious benefits to my BP and swelling, but another month of this will get really old. Dr. E. thought I could possibly sit up at a desk and telecommute, but absolutely did not want me commuting into an office job. Dr. M. is the one who had pulled me off of work to begin with, and I forgot to ask him yesterday how he feels about telecommuting (probably because I was there for exactly 3 hours for an hour-long appointment...par for the course). I still need to talk to HR to find out what my options are, and then to my boss to figure out what I can actually do from home. It's all very confusing to me, and I'm afraid of both biting off more than I can chew and of under-committing and being bored out of my noggin the next four or so weeks (if baby comes at 39 weeks). I guess none of this is supposed to be predictable...<br />
<br />
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Amy L.http://www.blogger.com/profile/17013013895577702357noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-753625788767557038.post-56256288614302589642013-05-22T10:51:00.003-07:002013-05-22T10:51:38.798-07:0034 weeks 1 day - and coming off the rails?<strong>How Far Along:</strong> 34 weeks 1 day today. E2 should weigh, oh, a lot less than he actually does. He's far beyond the standard fruit charts now...and I feel it!<br />
<br />
<strong>Total
Weight Gain/Loss:</strong> Up six pounds Monday from the previous two weeks ago, almost entirely water weight. More on that below.<br />
<br />
<strong>Maternity Clothes:</strong> Always.<br />
<br />
<strong>Movement:</strong> Big movements now. It feels like he's staking claim to much more of my uterus at once than before, stretching side to side, or up and to the side. My belly now obviously changes shape, especially when I'm lying down. It's fun to watch Paul's eyes go wide!<br />
<br />
<strong>Sleep:</strong> Better, although the rib pain from earlier has returned.<br />
<br />
<strong>Gender:</strong> A baby brother for Aliya
and Bennett.<br />
<br />
<strong>Symptoms:</strong> Nothing new, except that I walked up a flight of stairs yesterday and could feel my upper thighs touching my belly with each step. That was a new one. Perhaps baby has started to drop into my pelvis a bit more.<br />
<br />
<strong>Cravings:</strong>
Still none...but I certainly won't turn down a piece of baby shower cake!<br />
<br />
<strong>Belly Button In or Out:</strong> It's much more inside out this week, not 100%, but probably 85-90%.<br />
<br />
<strong>Freak-out of the Week:</strong> It's been a very stressful, emotional week. More on that below.<br />
<br />
<strong>Looking Forward To:</strong> Um, I'm no longer sure, except to say, probably, keeping E2 baking for at least another couple of weeks (knocking on wood!).<br />
<br />
<strong>Next</strong>
<strong>Appointment:</strong> Ugh. Tomorrow, May 23rd at (gulp!) 7:40 a.m. at UW (cruel and unusual punishment!) for three appointments with the blood pressure clinic, one of which is to see Dr. E., the blood pressure specialist I've been trying to avoid since October.<br />
<br />
<strong>Miscellaneous: </strong>OMG, what a week+.<br />
<br />
We had our second growth scan at UW on Thursday of last week. Paul was unable to come, but I brought my mom, grandma and aunt for their first ever ultrasound experience. That part came first, and it was pretty cool. Our tech was really sweet and described everything she saw and measured. We got to see him swallowing, which was awesome. Baby is still ginormous (6 lb 4 oz as of Thursday, measuring an average of 3 weeks ahead, size-wise). Then, she surprised us by switching probes and turning the machine to 3D! I didn't even know they could/would do that! The images weren't fabulous because E2 had his hand/arm in front of his face and his umbilical cord was floating in front of his mouth and chin, but she cut away some of the interference and printed us a profile. (I'll share it below.) It was pretty cool. <br />
<br />
We wandered down to the cafeteria for lunch, and then came back up to see Dr. C. for my MFM follow-up. Here's where things started to go off the rails:<br />
<br />
(Aside: to my credit, we <em>had</em> just eaten, Paul wasn't there with me, and the nurse who came and got me was new to me and didn't introduce herself, so I was a tiny bit stressed. Still...)<br />
<br />
My BP, when first taken, was 140/80. That's not horrid, but it's a lot higher than usual for me when I see Dr. C. The nurse frowned, said she didn't like that, and took it again. It was 130/80. Better, but still abnormal for me in that office. She was about to leave the room, but I asked if she wanted me to pee in a cup (duh!) since I could (please? I held it just for you!). I did my business, came back to the room, and Dr. C. came in to commence our appointment. A few minutes later, the nurse came back and thrust a slip of paper to Dr. C. Ruh roh. Turns out I had a trace of protein in my urine (+1 or +2, not sure). [Cue feeling of defeat] The conversation changed immediately. Just like that, E2's size - which was to drive our appointment (because last time Dr. C. said if he was still growing "like that" she'd assume gestational diabetes, send me to a nutritionist and order me a blood sugar monitor) - was no longer a concern. Instead, my blood pressure is.<br />
<br />
The conversation is a bit of a whirlwind, but I distinctly recall hearing, "We need to prepare for baby to be early," "If you make it to 37 weeks, that will be a bonus," "If you DO make it to 37 weeks, then we'll plan on delivering at 39 weeks," "We may need to admit you to the hospital for 24 hours of monitoring, I don't have a bed ready here or I would offer you that, although it's not medically necessary just yet..."<br />
<br />
Just like that, my hopes for a "normal" labor and delivery started to fly out the window. Cue mini freak out: I'd been fearing that somehow, we wouldn't make it to our birthing workshop last weekend, and those threats of 24-hour inpatient monitoring - over the weekend - were scaring me. Then, too, was the thought that if he needed to come NOW, I couldn't deliver at St. Pete's in Olympia like we want to, because they can't handle babies younger than 34 weeks. (Dr. C., bless her heart, said, "It's just 5 more days, 5 more days...") Sigh. She sent me and my entourage on our way with orders for blood work before leaving the building, and another fabulous red pee jug for a 24-hour urine catch, which I was to start that night. Oh, and more warnings about the symptoms of preeclampsia. (Thankfully, the blood work was normal, negating the need for inpatient monitoring, so we were able to make it to the birthing workshop, which deserves its own post, later.)<br />
<br />
I dutifully turned in my pee jug to Sierra at Dr. M.'s as requested on Friday evening and had more blood drawn. I still haven't gotten the results of those, but I assume no news is fine news. However...<br />
<br />
Monday morning I woke up with a weird pressure-y feeling in my head, like I'd been clenching my jaw all night. (Hell, maybe I had...) It lingered through the morning. The pre-e symptoms came to mind...but this wasn't a headache, per se, just pressure. Then, around 10:45, I started feeling a little bit weirder, sort of light headed. Huh. I ate a cheese stick, walked up a flight of stairs to the wellness room, and took my BP. Holy shit: 177/101. Well, wait a sec...I just ate, and I walked up a flight of stairs. Trying again: 173/100. I didn't like that, either. I took it four more times. The "best" reading was 153/99, about 20 minutes from the first reading. I called Dr. M., realizing this wasn't your average "just ate a cheese stick and walked up a flight of stairs" reading.<br />
<br />
Dr. M. grabbed the phone from Jeri, who answered and was about to seek Sierra's input, and when he heard my readings, said, "You know, I haven't agreed with this "wait and see" approach that UW has taken. I think it's lame. You should have been medicated long ago. I'm calling in a prescription and I want you to take the first dose immediately and then see me at 1:30 as scheduled." Hell. I did as instructed, and, interestingly, the pressure in my head was gone within about 30 minutes of that first dose. <br />
<br />
My BP at Dr. M.'s office was still elevated (140-something over 80 something), so he had me lie down on my left side on the ultrasound table and Sierra took it again...a "good" 130/77. The rest of the appointment was a bit of a blur. He measured my fundal height (the height of my uterus from pubic bone to fundus, or top): 37 weeks (what???). He took a quick look at E2, who had marvelously, miraculously turned head down since the last growth scan and our birthing workshop (good boy!!!). He measured my cervix quickly (still long and closed at 4.1 cm). He wrote "Stop Work Order" in my chart and ordered me on modified home bed rest for the duration of my pregnancy. He concurred with Dr. C. that E2 will be coming sooner than expected, and said he hopes bed rest and the BP medicine (a beta blocker) will "squeak out another couple of weeks" in this pregnancy. I have to go see Dr. E. at UW tomorrow for the consultation because apparently starting BP meds this late in the game won't help much, and he wants another opinion as to whether anything else can be done to effectively control my BP at this point, in hopes that we stave off preeclampsia. (He was not happy with the state of my feet on Monday, either, and I have to say, my right foot was freakishly swollen and SO gross looking!)<br />
<br />
So, there you have it...Paul and I spent Monday night sharing a mini panic about how soon baby might be here and how ill prepared we are. We have family coming this weekend to help prime the nursery and guest room trim and ceilings for paint, and our sister-in-law is coming Monday to help me sort baby clothes and do laundry (although, for the sake of pulling stuff together for my hospital bag, I might start a little load today). Eek. A friend reminded me (thank you, T!) that all E2 needs are a nipple, my arms and some diapers. We have those bases covered...but this house is in no state for a newborn, or at least in no state for the mother of a newborn who is likely to lose her ever lovin' mind trying to navigate around the furniture and baby stuff strewn everywhere due to having two empty, mid-remodel rooms. I'm supposed to spend most of my time lying on the couch with my feet up (or on my bed with my feet up), and I will...but you have to believe I will also be tackling little bitty chunks of chores, just for my own sanity. Oh, and baby shower thank you notes, of course! <br />
<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-zJXj4-8MYkU/UZ0E6NUb9yI/AAAAAAAABVs/yNYH-IQeov8/s1600/E2+33w2d.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="240" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-zJXj4-8MYkU/UZ0E6NUb9yI/AAAAAAAABVs/yNYH-IQeov8/s320/E2+33w2d.JPG" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">E2 at 33 weeks 2 days. That "donut" is his umbilical cord.</td></tr>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-QwcsWj4aCA8/UZ0FWVuldiI/AAAAAAAABV0/9CrjJ6AZqAs/s1600/E2+3D+33w2d.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="240" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-QwcsWj4aCA8/UZ0FWVuldiI/AAAAAAAABV0/9CrjJ6AZqAs/s320/E2+3D+33w2d.JPG" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">E2 in 3D! Look at that chubby cheek!</td></tr>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-OZEgaOZTlMU/UZ0DyjhWPyI/AAAAAAAABVg/RVuy_VlKxnk/s1600/34w+belly.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="320" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-OZEgaOZTlMU/UZ0DyjhWPyI/AAAAAAAABVg/RVuy_VlKxnk/s320/34w+belly.JPG" width="240" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">The belly at 34 weeks (yesterday).</td></tr>
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Amy L.http://www.blogger.com/profile/17013013895577702357noreply@blogger.com7tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-753625788767557038.post-48421682272020009452013-05-15T18:44:00.001-07:002013-05-15T18:44:59.376-07:0033w1d - appointments galore!<strong>How Far Along:</strong> 33 weeks 1 day today. E2 should weigh
as much as a pineapple (about 4 pounds) and be about 17-19 inches long, but since Dr. M. thinks he's already 5+ pounds, who knows? We'll find out more tomorrow...<br />
<br />
<strong>Total
Weight Gain/Loss:</strong> I think I'm up another 2 pounds. Again, I'll find out more tomorrow, since Dr. C. will weigh me for my UW appointment.<br />
<br />
<strong>Maternity Clothes:</strong> Yes. Shoes are still an issue, mostly because our spring heat wave turned back into normal drizzle. Flip flops are a little awkward when it's raining!<br />
<br />
<strong>Movement:</strong> Lots every day. Today I've been getting a lot of knee-shoves out the right side of my belly. Oh, and copious hiccups, already four times today, and I haven't even had dinner yet!<br />
<br />
<strong>Sleep:</strong> Meh.<br />
<br />
<strong>Gender:</strong> A baby brother for Aliya
and Bennett.<br />
<br />
<strong>Symptoms:</strong> I'm definitely moving more slowly now, and feel like I've got a pretty obvious waddle. Could be my brick feet. Occasional nausea continues to be an issue.<br />
<br />
<strong>Cravings:</strong>
Still none...not that lack of cravings equates to lack of eating. :)<br />
<br />
<strong>Belly Button In or Out:</strong> It's turned into a little duck nose at the top, which you can see in the photo below if you look closely.<br />
<br />
<strong>Freak-out of the Week:</strong> None, remarkably. I expected to be a real mess at my big baby shower, but I wasn't. I did get teary at the sight of all the beautiful food and decorations my dear friends had put their love into, and again at one super special gift (I'll show it when I eventually post about the nursery, which as of yet is still an unpainted, unfloored box of a room). The twins were on my mind, of course, but as I e-mailed to a friend today, I was able to mostly focus on this little guy and the love showered upon us, which was nice. I'll post more about my shower later...right now, Paul's harping on me to go watch NCIS with him. :)<br />
<br />
<strong>Looking Forward To:</strong> Our birthing workshop this weekend, 16 hours of learning and practicing with our doula. I can't wait! (This will make us feel ready and prepared for E2's arrival, right?!)<br />
<br />
<strong>Next</strong>
<strong>Appointment:</strong> Tomorrow, May 16th, for our second growth scan and another follow up with Dr. C. at University of Washington. I'll see Dr. M. again on Monday for my last (I think) cervical length ultrasoud.<br />
<br />
<strong>Miscellaneous: </strong>The medical appointments are definitely on the increase now, and that's without moving (yet) to a weekly appointment schedule (except for the non-stress tests, or NSTs). Speaking of, we now have our first two NSTs under our belts. The first one, last week, found me with a blood pressure of 146/83, which concerned the very nice nurse. Granted, I was nervous (I've never had a non-stress test before) and a little anxious to be in the Family Birth Center again, this time alone and pregnant. I know people who've had bad news at these NSTs. E2 was a trooper and had been moving all morning, so there was that to feel good about. As it turned out, E2 did fantastically at his first NST, especially for a 32-week baby. The nurse kept saying what a rock star he was, and that if she wasn't required to keep me there a minimum of 20 minutes, she would have let me go as soon as she was done entering stuff in the computer, because he had already passed! Today's NST was just as good, although the nurse today wasn't very talkative. I stayed longer, too, but that's because she was waiting on Dr. M. to call her back and release me. I go again next week, and, I presume, throughout the rest of my pregnancy (Dr. C. mentioned starting biophysical profiles, or BPPs, in there, too, but I don't know when those start).<br />
<br />
The other thing this week was that Paul and I attended a La Leche League meeting together Monday night. There's a breastfeeding class offered once a month at the hospital we hope to deliver at, but it's held from 7-9 p.m., and with Paul currently getting up at 3:30 a.m. for work (and likely a little earlier by the end of the month, when the class is), that just wouldn't work. While this particular LLL meeting is dad-friendly, he was the only man there. Still, he did great, even with strange women nursing their babes (ages 7 weeks to 18 months) in front of him! He had lots of really good questions and was really engaged. I wanted him to come so that he'd have information to help support ME if I end up discouraged or having trouble with breastfeeding, an endeavor we both feel is important. This month's topic was the advantages of breastfeeding (very eye opening for both of us, even though we each already knew of a few). Next month's is about breastfeeding a newborn. I will go for sure; I hope he will, too. :)<br />
<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-0-zkIAyJZX8/UZQ40dqZ44I/AAAAAAAABVQ/gegkbOwjyaM/s1600/33w1d+belly.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="320" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-0-zkIAyJZX8/UZQ40dqZ44I/AAAAAAAABVQ/gegkbOwjyaM/s320/33w1d+belly.JPG" width="240" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">The belly at 33w1d. I feel like E2 is hanging<br />low today.</td></tr>
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Amy L.http://www.blogger.com/profile/17013013895577702357noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-753625788767557038.post-52446738370923589492013-05-07T18:30:00.002-07:002013-05-07T18:30:41.330-07:0032 weeks<strong>How Far Along:</strong> 32 weeks today. E2 should weigh
approximately 3-3/4 pounds (apparently the weight of a large jicama...again, never held one!). However...yesterday's ultrasound revealed a real whopper of a child...he's not even CLOSE to the weight of a jicama.<br />
<br />
<strong>Total
Weight Gain/Loss:</strong> According to my scale, I'm up another 2 pounds. According to Dr. M.'s scale, I'm up 34 pounds total since 16 weeks...which would mean about 42 pounds since pre-pregnancy weight. I don't look it, I swear! (I don't really feel it, either.) I asked Dr. M., "Are you concerned about my weight gain, because I sure am?" He thinks it's mostly water weight. God, I hope he's right!<br />
<br />
<strong>Maternity Clothes:</strong> Yes. In fact, after an uncharacteristic early May heat wave and accompanying clothing crisis, I now have a few more tops and bottoms (work appropriate!) to choose from, plus a pair of cheap shoes and two pairs of flip flops to (sort of) accomodate my ridiculously swollen ankles and feet.<br />
<br />
<strong>Movement:</strong> Movin' and groovin'! E2 still gets the hiccups several times a day. He's been poking something "hard" out above my belly button for several days. It turns out he's currently breech, and what I feel is his left shoulder. Now I can't stop rubbing it!<br />
<br />
<strong>Sleep:</strong> Ok.<br />
<br />
<strong>Gender:</strong> A baby brother for Aliya
and Bennett.<br />
<br />
<strong>Symptoms:</strong> All the same, but boy howdy, the cankles have taken it to a whole new level. I haven't seen the bones on the insides of my ankles since Thursday evening. No joke. We traveled 3.5 hours over the mountains to Yakima (Eastern WA) on Friday night and the swelling hasn't gone away since. I was on my feet in the heat most of Saturday, and I swear to you my lower legs, ankles and feet looked like they belonged to someone else's body. They certainly weren't my scrawny calves and skinny ass feet! Nope...those are gone, gone, gone. I normally wear a size 10.5 narrow shoe. Yesterday I bought a pair of size 11 medium ballet flats, and they don't even accomodate the cankles. Actually, after wearing them only an hour and ten minutes this morning, I already had deep shoe grooves under my (non-existent) inner ankle bones. I may spend the rest of this pregnancy in flip flops. Work-appropriate wear be damned!<br />
<br />
<strong>Cravings:</strong>
Still none.<br />
<br />
<strong>Belly Button In or Out:</strong> Still mostly in. The "outiness" seems to depend on E2's position in there.<br />
<br />
<strong>Freak-out of the Week:</strong> None. Lots of tears again, though. While in Yakima, a fellow member of the board I sit on presented Paul and me with a beautiful handmade white and green baby blanket, and I couldn't stop the tears. Then Sunday, I happened to look out the window nearest the front door and noticed a package on the front porch. I opened it and inside was a beautiful handmade quilt from a fellow cow enthusiast from Wisconsin - someone I only know a little bit online - with a note. The quilt is called "Rainbow on Green Pasture" and it's gorgeous. Again, the tears...sobbing in my kitchen, clutching this piece of love and art to my chest. I am still so touched that these lovely women care so much that they'd spend the time to make these for us!<br />
<br />
<strong>Looking Forward To:</strong> We hit Dr. M.'s milestone (32 weeks!), so he's happy! Our next one is 34 weeks, because that will entitle us to deliver at Providence St. Peter Hospital, where the twins were born (and which only has a Level II NICU and can't handle babies younger than 34 weeks).<br />
<br />
<strong>Next</strong>
<strong>Appointment:</strong> This Thursday, May 9th for my first non-stress test, and next Thursday, May 16th for another growth scan.<br />
<br />
<strong>Miscellaneous: </strong>This week's OB appointment went well. I didn't get any pictures, unfortunately, nor did I really get any good looks at E2's face. I think that's because Dr. M. knows I'll get some good views (and photos) from University of Washington next week at our growth scan. As I mentioned, baby is currently breech, with his head in my upper left uterus, spine curling down the left side, little butt (as of yesterday, anyway) sitting right on top of my (still long and closed, 4.2 cm!!) cervix, and then his knees up in my upper right uterus. Funny moment of the appointment (which ran, not so funnily, extremely late due to Dr. M.'s tardiness and then futzing around with the generator guy): During my transvaginal ultrasound to measure my cervix, I noticed what looked to be a distinctive outline above my cervix, and asked, "Is that the baby's bottom?!" Dr. M. said, "Oh, look at the little baby butt cheeks!" (Kiddo was literally sitting on top of my cervix, butt crack and all!)<br />
<br />
As for Dr. M.'s unofficial growth ultrasound, E2 is ginormous. According to the ultrasound machine's measurements, he is now averaging 35w5d gestation (that's a gain of a week from our last growth scan), with a head measuring 2.5 weeks ahead and an abdomen measuring 3+ weeks ahead. By the machine's calculations, my big belly is big because this child already weighs <em>5 pounds 5 ounces</em>. Holy pelvic cringe, Batman! Dr. M. whipped out his (probably 1980s) California Sea Level Chart, which is a growth chart thingy (with pencil marks all over it) showing average growth curves by gestational age and weight for 10%, 50% and >90% growth. While the ultrasound machine spit out that baby's 2511 gram weight is >90% (which would be consistent with our 28 week growth scan at UW), Dr. M.'s fancy chart says only 60%. So. Huh. He had said earlier in the appointment that he was going to write me a script for a home blood glucose monitor and test strips, but based on the discrepancy between modern scientific equipment and his folded paper chart, he opted not to. We'll see what UW comes up with next week for E2's weight and size...and whether or not that causes Dr. C. to go ahead and order the monitor and strips for me anyway. Ultimately, we do not want to be derailed by untreated gestational diabetes and have to deal with a 10+ pound baby, so whatever...but I really do hope that, between Dr. M. and Dr. C., <em>someone </em>can assure me that E2's growth is normal and won't result in induction or c-section due to a kid too big for me to deliver vaginally.<br />
<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-nEI7LMEmxxI/UYmp8Xti8gI/AAAAAAAABUs/GMSc5cGvIu0/s1600/32w+belly.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="320" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-nEI7LMEmxxI/UYmp8Xti8gI/AAAAAAAABUs/GMSc5cGvIu0/s320/32w+belly.JPG" width="240" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">The belly at 32 weeks (in a new shirt!).</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
Amy L.http://www.blogger.com/profile/17013013895577702357noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-753625788767557038.post-67542547678459243152013-05-01T19:01:00.005-07:002013-05-01T19:01:56.399-07:0031 weeks 1 day<strong>How Far Along:</strong> 31 weeks 1 day today. E2 should weigh approximately 3 pounds (the weight of 4 navel oranges), but we all know he weighed more than that, um, three weeks ago. He should be about 17 inches long, crown to heel. OMG!<br />
<br />
<strong>Total
Weight Gain/Loss:</strong> I'm pretty sure I must have gained about 28 pounds from pre-pregnancy weight. That's a bummer, as I was hoping to <em>somehow</em> not gain more than 25-30 this whole pregnancy. There is no.way.period. I will not gain more than 2 pounds between now and delivery, given little man is close to putting on half a pound a week. Sigh. At least I'm still hearing that I don't look pregnant at all from the front. :)<br />
<br />
<strong>Maternity Clothes:</strong> Yep.<br />
<br />
<strong>Movement:</strong> He's had more big movements this past week. I was finally able to get some on video (on my phone), but I had to wait for it. Paul also finally saw E2's hiccups through my belly last night at dinner! Today it feels like he's been either rolling around or stretching his arms and legs, and it feels very Braxton-Hicks-y, which I don't love (makes me nervous). I felt a knee or elbow very clearly while my hand was resting on my belly this afternoon. Cool!<br />
<br />
<strong>Sleep:</strong> Not bad.<br />
<br />
<strong>Gender:</strong> A baby brother for Aliya
and Bennett.<br />
<br />
<strong>Symptoms:</strong> Same as previous, with the addition of two episodes of really sharp pains above and to the right of my belly button. They felt like they were uterus-related, not from deep within. One of them hit last night during bathroom trip number 320 (ok, not really, but probably number 4) as I made my way back to bed. That one nearly doubled me over...but that was it. Just once, and then gone. Baby's weird movements, perhaps? Oh, and I caught Paul staring at my belly again tonight...this time, it was due to the (now very evident, angry, red) stretch marks. Sigh again.<br />
<br />
<strong>Cravings:</strong>
None...so much so that it makes deciding what to have for dinner a real pain in the ass.<br />
<br />
<strong>Belly Button In or Out:</strong> Still mostly in, turning inside
out a little bit more at the top.<br />
<br />
<strong>Freak-out of the Week:</strong> Wowsa. I wouldn't call them freak outs, but man have I shed a lot of tears this past week. There's just a lot...a lot of stress, a lot of grief, a lot of decisions that feel overwhelming, anxiety over the impending arrival of our little guy, fears that something may still go wrong, etc. One big thing is I realized the other day that May was right around the corner, which starts anew the anniversary period of conceiving the twins (May 11th), finding out we were pregnant (May 24th at home and 25th via blood test), through Aliya's first placental abruption in mid-June, through all the appointments and vaginal discharge changes and bleeding in June and July, and then her water breaking and loss of our babies in August. E2's due date is just three days before the 23 month anniversary of losing Aliya and Bennett...and the 2-year anniversary will be just a month later. It's so hard to believe...and I am missing them so, so much. We met a couple with a beautiful little almost two-year old on Sunday and she's been pulling at my heartstrings ever since. Don't get me wrong, I am so, so grateful to be expecting our little miracle boy, love him so very much already and can't wait to share our lives with him...but part of me worries I may never get to parent a living little girl, and that breaks my heart into millions and jillions of pieces and hurts me to my core. It's something I can't even say aloud to Paul because I will sob, and I just don't allow myself to fall apart like that in front of him anymore because he doesn't know what to do with me. Thank God for continued counseling.<br />
<br />
<strong>Looking Forward To:</strong> Our next milestone, 32 weeks (and
my baby shower on May 11th!), and our birthing preparation workshop
with the doula the weekend of May 18th!<br />
<br />
<strong>Next</strong>
<strong>Appointment:</strong> Monday, May 6th for another cervical length ultrasound.<br />
<br />
<strong>Miscellaneous: </strong>I actually made progress this week on finding daycare and a pediatrician! Nothing like realizing the stress burden was making my life unmanageable. :) I researched both over the weekend. Daycare is still difficult, but I did get on the wait list for one and toured it today. It made me a little sad to see the infants and all the cribs in one room...I don't know what I expected, but it didn't warm my heart, that's for sure. I found a pediatrician (based on the clinic and then the ped's bio) that I was interested in, and was able to set up a free "meet and greet" appointment with him for next week. I hope I like him, so I can cross that one off the list. Our remodel has made no progress in the last week, other than me now being about 80% sure that I want to keep the walls neutral and the bedding bright, rather than vice versa. (Hey, that's progress, don't knock it!) We still need to look at carpet (haven't even started that), and I do need to pick paint colors, but I do think I'm closer there, too. Oh, and choose and buy fabric for crib bedding and curtains. Again, I'm a lot closer...and thrilled that quilting and crafting are such huge hobbies for people because there are some great online fabric stores to choose from!<br />
<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-JzPopPVT4IM/UYHHwpJ6BuI/AAAAAAAABUc/DFm6eRRECKo/s1600/31w1d+belly.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="320" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-JzPopPVT4IM/UYHHwpJ6BuI/AAAAAAAABUc/DFm6eRRECKo/s320/31w1d+belly.JPG" width="240" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">The belly at 31 weeks (yesterday).</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
Amy L.http://www.blogger.com/profile/17013013895577702357noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-753625788767557038.post-42127676246389313442013-04-23T20:00:00.000-07:002013-04-23T20:00:32.529-07:0030 weeks<strong>How Far Along:</strong> 30 weeks today. Holy cow! Baby should be the weight of a head of cabbage.<br />
<br />
<strong>Total
Weight Gain/Loss:</strong> Dudes, I have no idea. According to Sierra, Dr. M.'s assistant, as of yesterday I had gained 8 pounds in 2 weeks. That thoroughly tweaked me out. Don't you think I would have noticed?! Dr. M. was not cconerned...which makes me think that the math Sierra did in her head was actually totally wrong. He went so far, after I said something about gaining so much, to write "Patient concerned about weight gain" in my chart notes! Huh? When I'd gained 4 pounds in 2 weeks last time, I got a talking to. So, I have no idea what's going on. I did weigh myself this morning, and according to our home scale, I've gained 24 pounds overall. That's darn close to what I'd hoped to gain the entire pregnancy (yep, going to blow that out of the water, with another 6-9 weeks left to go), but that beats the heck out of gaining 38, which is what Sierra had me pegged at!<br />
<br />
<strong>Maternity Clothes:</strong> Yep.<br />
<br />
<strong>Movement:</strong> E2's moving well. He still gets hiccups 4-5 times per day (he's got them right now, in fact), and often squirms when he does. He's been sticking his butt out lately, too, right above my belly button. Weird!<br />
<br />
<strong>Sleep:</strong> Not bad.<br />
<br />
<strong>Gender:</strong> A baby brother for Aliya
and Bennett.<br />
<br />
<strong>Symptoms:</strong> Stuffy nose (allergies), aches and pains in
my pelvis/lower belly and lower back, occasional
nausea, fatigue, swollen ankles by early afternoon, leg cramps during the early morning (only when
I'm about to get up to pee, and they're not too painful - yet), and some new stretch marks that look like I had a run in with a rotary cutter, veering off my linea negra right below my belly button. (Aside: I said to Dr. M. yesterday, as he measured my belly, "Look, those stretch marks you asked about finally arrived!" He replied, "Infertility patients aren't allowed to complain about stretch marks.") I finally tonight took my wedding rings off and hung them on a chain Paul got me for my birthday. I took them off 2.5 hours ago and still have ring marks in my puffy fingers. At least my face isn't swollen. I showed Dr. M. my cankles yesterday and he immediately examined my hands and face, and then reviewed my BP and checked my reflexes. He also reminded me of the symptoms to watch for with pre-eclampsia. (All is well...I just have cankles!)<br />
<br />
<strong>Cravings:</strong>
None.<br />
<br />
<strong>Belly Button In or Out:</strong> Still mostly in, turning inside
out a little bit more at the top. I caught Paul staring at me the other night as I was putting lotion on, and when I asked what he was staring at, he said I was making my belly button pop out as I did that. :)<br />
<br />
<strong>Freak-out of the Week:</strong> No freak outs, per se. I was worried about my weight for all the rest of Monday after my appointment, but after even Paul said, "There's no way!", I started feeling better. I have really, really been missing Aliya and Bennett, though, and cried a lot Friday night and Sunday (when I was home alone...sometimes I need space to ugly cry).<br />
<br />
<strong>Looking Forward To:</strong> Our next milestone, 32 weeks (and my baby shower on May 11th!). Oh, and our birthing preparation workshop with the doula the weekend of May 18th!<br />
<br />
<strong>Next</strong>
<strong>Appointment:</strong> Monday, May 6th for another cervical length ultrasound.<br />
<br />
<strong>Miscellaneous: </strong>This weekend my uncle and our brother-in-law finished up the "big" parts of our nursery and guest room remodels. Now, both ceilings have been scraped of 1978 popcorn and retextured, both windows have been replaced, along with new trim outside (there was none before) and new trim throughout both rooms (it looks amazing!), new bedroom doors and new closet doors. Now we need to choose carpet and paint. (Or, we need to choose carpet and <em>I</em> need to choose paint...decorating with a color blind man is a pain in the ass!) I've given up trying to find a commercially available crib bedding set...I just don't really like any of them. So, I'm scouring the Internet for fabrics I like for a crib skirt and curtains. We still need to choose a crib and chair/rocker/glider (haven't looked at the latter yet), but I know what I want for a dresser and shelving for books, so that's good. I know it'll come together, but man, with that AND daycare AND a pediatrician, I feel like this research and these decisions are going to cause my brain to explode! No pressure, right? :)<br />
<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-6zyEtN-3YYM/UXdKocUzQCI/AAAAAAAABUE/ISwee-4PaeA/s1600/30wk+belly.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="320" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-6zyEtN-3YYM/UXdKocUzQCI/AAAAAAAABUE/ISwee-4PaeA/s320/30wk+belly.JPG" width="240" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">The belly at 30 weeks.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<br />
Amy L.http://www.blogger.com/profile/17013013895577702357noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-753625788767557038.post-9698528546191202592013-04-16T18:26:00.003-07:002013-04-16T18:26:32.314-07:0029 weeks<strong>How Far Along:</strong> 29 weeks today. E2 <em>should</em> be the size of an acorn squash or a spaghetti squash, a little more than 15 inches long, crown to heel, and about 2.2 pounds. We know he's heavier than that, though (see below)...<br />
<br />
<strong>Total
Weight Gain/Loss:</strong> I give up. My scale still says I'm gaining quite a bit, but neither Dr. M.'s nor Dr. C.'s indicated a problem, so... ??<br />
<br />
<strong>Maternity Clothes:</strong> Yep.<br />
<br />
<strong>Movement:</strong> E2 was a pretty good mover this week. He gets hiccups roughly 4-5 times during the day. I still haven't figured out his real sleep/wake patterns yet. Dr. C. advised me to start kick counts and to do them in the evening (evening/dinner time varies for us, so I'll have to pick a time). Last night he was pretty active about 7:45.<br />
<br />
<strong>Sleep:</strong> So so.<br />
<br />
<strong>Gender:</strong> A baby brother for Aliya
and Bennett.<br />
<br />
<strong>Symptoms:</strong> Stuffy nose (allergies), aches and pains in my pelvis/lower belly and lower back, occasional
nausea, fatigue, swollen ankles by 3:00 or so daily (it's getting earlier every few days!), leg cramps during the early morning (only when I'm about to get up to pee, and they're not too painful - yet). New this week: two little areas of red stretch marks on my lower belly. Boo! :(<br />
<br />
<strong>Cravings:</strong>
None.<br />
<br />
<strong>Belly Button In or Out:</strong> Still mostly in, turning inside out a little bit more at the top. I've had a couple of bouts of sharp pains to the right and just above my belly button this afternoon. Not sure what that's about, but if it continues, I'll call Dr. M.<br />
<br />
<strong>Freak-out of the Week:</strong> If I had one (and I may have), I honestly can't remember. My brain is mush.<br />
<br />
<strong>Looking Forward To:</strong> Our next milestone, 32 weeks (and my baby shower on May 11th!).<br />
<br />
<strong>Next</strong>
<strong>Appointment:</strong> Monday, April 22nd for another cervical length ultrasound.<br />
<br />
<strong>Miscellaneous: </strong>Our appointments last week went well. I passed my glucose challenge test Monday (but didn't find out until Wednesday). I don't know what my actual number was, only that Sierra said (since Dr. M. didn't bother to call with results) I passed easily. Given their cutoff is 130, 10 points lower than UW's, I was thrilled.<br />
<br />
Then we had our first growth scan on Thursday at UW. That was kind of fun...we hadn't gotten a good look at E2 in awhile (Paul hadn't seen him since 20 weeks!), so it was cool to see him yawn, and to see him all folded up with his feet over his head. :) The tech went really fast, so we didn't get great looks at anything. She measured his head, abdomen, femur and humerus to calculate growth. Paul could read the screen better than I could, but I did pay attention. His arm and leg measurements continue to be right on track (he measured 28w4d at 28w2d). His noggin is still large - two weeks ahead. His abdomen is STILL 3 weeks ahead. This time, we didn't get an average of those like we did at 20 weeks. Nope, this time, the tech left to review the images with the radiologist on duty, and then came back and said we were good, but that he's weighing 3 pounds 6 ounces, which puts him in the 80th percentile for growth...and over a pound ahead for his gestation at that time. Huh. That freaked me out a little bit.<br />
<br />
We saw Dr. C. awhile later. She was happy with his results, but did mention his size, and thinks I may be one of those rarer cases (of course) that develops late onset gestational diabetes...meaning, even though I easily passed my 1-hour test on Monday, his growth indicates something else <em>could</em> be going on. Then again, Paul and I both were over 8 pounds at birth, so maybe this is normal for our offspring. She wants to see me again at 32 weeks and do another growth scan, and said if he continues on this three-weeks-ahead trajectory with his abdomen, she'll err on the side of caution, send me off to a nutritionist, and have me start monitoring my blood sugar with a home monitor. Bummer...but then again, I'd much rather be treated for GD if I'm going to have it (since if it's caught too late it can't be treated) and avoid having a whopper of a baby. Dr. M.'s feeling that I could fit an 8 pounder through my pelvis has been ringing through my head since last Thursday. :|<br />
<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-tEDpEangdr8/UW353LS0rzI/AAAAAAAABTM/0C2SWKOlpHU/s1600/E2+28w2d.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="240" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-tEDpEangdr8/UW353LS0rzI/AAAAAAAABTM/0C2SWKOlpHU/s320/E2+28w2d.JPG" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">E2 at 28 weeks 2 days. That's a foot next to his forehead,<br />and knuckles/fingers by his heel. Our little acrobat! :)<br />
<br />
</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="clear: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-7ThA8dPsMS4/UW36JYU9o9I/AAAAAAAABTU/ukipkpko4os/s1600/29w+belly.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="320" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-7ThA8dPsMS4/UW36JYU9o9I/AAAAAAAABTU/ukipkpko4os/s320/29w+belly.JPG" width="240" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">The belly at 29 weeks (in a maternity tee).</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
Amy L.http://www.blogger.com/profile/17013013895577702357noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-753625788767557038.post-37876107367326031612013-04-09T17:34:00.001-07:002013-04-09T17:36:34.551-07:0028 weeks - Well hello, third trimester!I cannot BELIEVE we've hit the third trimester mark, and Paul's and my "big" milestone, without incident. OMG. I have to make today's post quick, because, as I will reveal below, some of my second trimester head-fogginess has caught up to me, and um, I'm behind in some important stuff!<br />
<br />
*****<br />
<strong>How Far Along:</strong> 28 weeks today. E2 should be about 2 1/4
pounds (the heft of a Chinese cabbage), and 14.8 inches crown to heel, or the length of an eggplant.<br />
<br />
<strong>Total
Weight Gain/Loss:</strong> I'm frankly unsure. According to my OB's office yesterday, I had lost 2 pounds in the previous two weeks, which would put me at a net of 20 pounds for the pregnancy so far. Dr. M. was actually happy about that. But when I weighed myself this morning (because I forgot to yesterday), my scale indicates I've GAINED another pound, which would put me at 23 pounds so far. I'll be weighed again at Dr. C.'s office on Thursday for my MFM appointment, so we'll see what that one says. :)<br />
<br />
<strong>Maternity Clothes:</strong> Yep.<br />
<br />
<strong>Movement:</strong> This was a slightly quieter week. I think E2 must be growing a lot. There were a few times when my belly got lopsided, and today I think he was shoving his butt out around my belly button (I know he was head down because I could feel his hiccups down near my girly bits). Those types of movements give me Braxton Hicks-like sensations, which always freaks me out a little bit.<br />
<br />
<strong>Sleep:</strong> Not good this past week. The dog, my darling Foxhoud, Honey, has been waking me up 2-3 times per night lately. I have no idea why. She's never done this before. One night she had to pee, and then 15 minutes later wanted out to poop. A couple of times she's wanted out to sleep in the living room (she probably does need a new doggy bed in our room as it's old, but still...I can't let her out without getting up to put the cat food up because she'll hoover that down before she goes back to sleep). Last night she whined, stretched and shook (making her collar tags jangle together), and then scratched her nails on our door to go out (her latest trick). I got up, opened the door, headed down the hall in the dark, got to the sliding door at the other end of the house, and she wasn't freaking there. I turned lights on during my backtracking...not in the living room, not in the kitchen. Oh, for God's sake, she was on her own damned doggy bed in our room! She'd gotten up, asked to go out, and then laid back down while she watched my pregnant ass lumber down the hall, half asleep! SO not ok. I got her up and made her go outside, where she did pee. Dummy.<br />
<br />
<strong>Gender:</strong> A baby brother for Aliya
and Bennett.<br />
<br />
<strong>Symptoms:</strong> Stuffy nose (allergies and lingering cold don't help), aches and pains in my pelvis and lower back, occasional nausea (like today...not a fan!), feeling like the skin on my stomach is going to split wide open (despite twice-daily applications of Palmer's Cocoa Butter), a belly of ever-changing shape. Exhaustion.<br />
<br />
<strong>Cravings:</strong>
None.<br />
<br />
<strong>Belly Button In or Out:</strong> Still mostly in, but starting to turn inside out at the top. That would explain the few days of sharp pains around my belly button during the last week!<br />
<br />
<strong>Freak-out of the Week:</strong> None. Too tired to freak out.<br />
<br />
<strong>Looking Forward To:</strong> Our growth scan on Thursday (I can't wait to see E2 again - it's been 8 weeks! - and to see how big he is now), and then our next milestone, 32 weeks (Dr. M.'s minimum goal for us).<br />
<br />
<strong>Next</strong>
<strong>Appointment:</strong> Thursday, April 11th for the growth scan and MFM follow up.<br />
<br />
<strong>Miscellaneous: </strong>This week's OB appointment was good. Baby's heart rate was 155 (he was moving), my cervix is still long and closed (and a bit longer than last time at 4.5 cm), and my fundal height was back to normal (exactly 27 cm, or 27 weeks). However...my BP crept up a bit (130/78). Sierra, Dr. M.'s medical assistant, blamed it on the fact that she'd just made me chug the cupful of nasty tropical punch-flavored glucose stuff for my glucose challenge test (no test results back yet, fingers crossed I pass!). Still, Dr. M. wants me to check with Dr. C. about possibly seeing Dr. E., UW's prenatal hypertension expert. He's <a href="http://ourtinyangels.blogspot.com/2012/10/tangled-15-months.html">the one I <em>didn't </em>want to see</a> during our IVF cycle...but now enough time has passed that if I need to, I will. Dr. C. thought my blood pressure could become an issue in the third trimester, and if it's going to, it's probably best to treat it rather than watching and waiting, hoping it doesn't impact E2's growth or the health of either of us.<br />
<br />
While I mentally chew on all that (!), it's coming to my (cobwebby) attention that my fuzzy brained, second trimester self overlooked a few things. I hold a position in a non-profit organization and am responsible for sending out annual dues notifications. I just mailed out the final reminders over the weekend...and started getting, "Hey, I already paid!" e-mails and voicemails. Well, shit. Sure enough. I record-keep in two different areas, and while I mostly did well keeping track, there's clearly a couple of weeks in there where, well, not so much. So, hasty replies ensued, apologizies all over, self-doubting whether I can be effective as a new mommy, let alone a fatigued pregnant woman. Ack. And then there are our taxes. We use a CPA company because our farm taxes are very complicated and stress me out. For some reason, I could not pull myself together. Most everything was ready to go except for a couple of things (like mileage records) I needed to compile and print...and where did the time go? It dawned on me that April 15th is like, Monday, and that's the <em>deadline </em>for the IRS...not the deadline for the CPA! ACK! Having never filed an extension before, I was also surprised to learn (when I thankfully called the CPA today) that requesting an extension involves more than just mailing in a form! So, I am now off to finish those last details so I can dump everything off with the accountants tomorrow, in hopes that they can do enough of a cursory review to submit an extension by Monday. Yikes, man. This pregnancy brain + fatigue thing is no joke. Now I'm wondering where else I've messed up!<br />
<br />
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<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-uoH2tr-I1WQ/UWSyPO19JSI/AAAAAAAABS8/rKrZo1wf3l8/s1600/28w+belly.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="320" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-uoH2tr-I1WQ/UWSyPO19JSI/AAAAAAAABS8/rKrZo1wf3l8/s320/28w+belly.JPG" width="240" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">The belly at 28 weeks. E2 feels low today.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<br />Amy L.http://www.blogger.com/profile/17013013895577702357noreply@blogger.com8tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-753625788767557038.post-11769671471551010032013-04-02T18:17:00.001-07:002013-04-02T18:17:16.852-07:0027 weeks<strong>How Far Along:</strong> 27 weeks today. E2 should be about 2 pounds, the size of a head of cauliflower (or a rutabaga...can't say I've ever held a rutabaga.<br />
<br /><strong>Total
Weight Gain/Loss:</strong> As of yesterday, still 22 pounds total. Apparently coming down with a horrible chest cold and losing my appetite for a few days has some benefits (although feeling like I'm suffocating in mucus isn't one).<br />
<br /><strong>Maternity Clothes:</strong> Yep.<br />
<br /><strong>Movement:</strong> E2 was a little quieter than usual most of last week. Thankfully, he stepped it up a bit the last few days, and was super squirmy today while I was at work. (Over the weekend he seemed Hell bent on kicking/punching me repeatedly in the cervix. OMG OUCH!) He's also getting the hiccups at least three times per day.<br />
<br /><strong>Sleep:</strong> Now that my cold is on its (slow ass) way out, I'm sleeping better once again.<br />
<br /><strong>Gender:</strong> A baby brother for Aliya
and Bennett.<br /><br /><strong>Symptoms:</strong> My feet and ankles are definitely more swollen some afternoons/evenings than ever before, and sometimes my hands are also a bit swollen. I can still wear my wedding rings, but Paul bought me a chain for my birthday - specifically so I can wear Aliya and Bennett's locket once again (I want to be sure to wear it for delivery, if they'll let me), but also so I can hang my rings from it and keep them close once they're too tight to wear. I'm moving more slowly these days, which is sort of new, and have to take a minute to get going from a seated position. Also, the round ligament pains have increased over the last week, and I have some residual, constant achiness on both sides of my lower abdomen.<br />
<br /><strong>Cravings:</strong>
None.<br /><br /><strong>Belly Button In or Out:</strong> Still in, but achier and the top is starting to turn inside out a little. My former boss saw me and commented on my turkey timer today. :) I also appear to be getting the start of stretch marks around the sucker in the form of slightly darkened, almost faintly bruised patterns all around it. Bummer.<br />
<br /><strong>Freak-out of the Week:</strong> None, just some general worries (nothing too specific).<br />
<br /><strong>Looking Forward To:</strong> Our next
milestone, 28 weeks. :)<br /><br /><strong>Next</strong>
<strong>Appointment:</strong> Monday, April 8th for another cervical length
ultrasound and the dreaded glucose challenge test. We also have a growth ultrasound for E2 and a follow-up with
my MFM for me on Thursday, April 11th. I'm really, really anxious to find out how big this baby is (or, how much extra fluid I have, if that's the case), because OMG belly.<br /><br /><strong>Miscellaneous: </strong>The number of weekends left in this pregnancy are decreasing rapidly, which really drives home how much it feels there is left to do: hold spots at daycares, get the nursery ready (all of which hinges on us making decisions on the work to be done, plus my decorating vagueness), find a pediatrician, etc. All the while, I'm once again learning a new job (sort of) with an entirely different team of people (totally) and potentially facing uncertainty about my position due to budget cuts and pending layoffs. Oy. Fun times...but regardless of what happens or when, this baby boy will make it all ok!<br />
<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-a5VVSj1ixEY/UVuC9hnopGI/AAAAAAAABSs/I-R8HQqFIIE/s1600/27+w+belly.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="320" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-a5VVSj1ixEY/UVuC9hnopGI/AAAAAAAABSs/I-R8HQqFIIE/s320/27+w+belly.JPG" width="240" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">The belly at 27 weeks. Funny, it actually looks<br />a little smaller than last week. It sure doesn't<br />feel that way!</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<br />Amy L.http://www.blogger.com/profile/17013013895577702357noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-753625788767557038.post-80745955355722463622013-03-26T17:33:00.000-07:002013-03-26T17:40:44.150-07:0026 weeks<strong>How Far Along:</strong> 26 weeks today. E2 should be around the length of an English cucumber (14" crown to heel) and the weight of a 2 pound chuck roast (given we're beef farmers, we find this comparison hilarious, and also, why such an unglamorous cut of beef for a comparison?).<br />
<br />
<strong>Total Weight Gain/Loss:</strong> So. Yeah. I appear to be up a total of 22 pounds. According to Dr. M.'s scale, I gained 4 pounds in two weeks...about a pound too much. He wasn't super upset about it, but he did comment on it. Time to knuckle down, me thinks. If I were to keep gaining at this rate, I shudder to think of how much weight I may gain by deliver day...certainly well above the 25 pound goal I'd set for myself, and likely quite a bit higher than the 30 pound max he recommended.<br />
<br />
<strong>Maternity Clothes:</strong> Yes, and in fact, it would appear that at least one of the tops I bought during my pregnancy with the twins and have worn all along this pregnancy are getting too tight!<br />
<br />
<strong>Movement:</strong> Definitely. The little guy has been squirming all around in there, and I can tell pretty easily when he changes position from feet-first to transverse. He's also getting the hiccups regularly...twice today that I caught.<br />
<br />
<strong>Sleep:</strong> OMG, suck-ville. Last night I swear I barely slept at all. In fact, the last three night have not been good to me. I don't know what the heck is going on, but I'm not a fan. And there's really no good way for me to nap during the work day, so I'm really feeling it.<br />
<br />
<strong>Gender:</strong> A baby brother for Aliya and Bennett.<br />
<br />
<strong>Symptoms:</strong> The usual, including slightly swollen feet and
ankles and a tiny bit of hand swelling on occasion. I'm starting to wonder when I'll have to take my wedding rings off. Sooner than later, I'm pretty sure. <br />
<br />
<strong>Cravings:</strong> None.<br />
<br />
<strong>Belly Button In or Out:</strong> Still in, still shallow, with a lip.<br />
<br />
<strong>Freak-out of the Week:</strong> No freak outs, thankfully, but quite a few tears Saturday morning (pretty normal for me...it takes that long to unwind from a long week, and I need the time to myself to feel all of my feelings).<br />
<br />
<strong>Looking Forward To:</strong> Our next milestone, 28 weeks. :)<br />
<br />
<strong>Next</strong> <strong>Appointment:</strong> Monday, April 8th for another cervical length ultrasound and the dreaded glucose challenge test. I have bad feelings about that (see below). We also have a growth ultrasound for E2 and a follow-up with my MFM for me on Thursday, April 11th.<br />
<br />
<strong>Miscellaneous: </strong>My appointment with Dr. M. yesterday went well, as far as my cervix (4.1 cm) and baby (heart rate of 148) are concerned. He didn't do an ultrasound of the baby this time (the first time ever!), but we did get a good look at one of his feet and his lower leg as he hauled off and kicked me in the cervix during my transvaginal ultrasound (he did it on and off all day!). Dr. M. did comment about my weight, and another comment, like two weeks ago, about how big my belly is getting (that's while I'm lying down, not standing up...standing up is a whole 'nother ball game). Well, Dr. M. did a fundal height measurement to assess my uterine growth, and for some crazy reason it measured a full week ahead (27 cm). Last time it was right on track. Now, I can tell you that I notice my belly is bigger about every three days. I mean, noticeably bigger. I hear comments from my co-workers, too. But why a week ahead? Is it that E2 is really that big (God help me!), or could I actually have gestational diabetes? I'm really not looking forward to the GCT in two weeks (I've heard from two different friends that they felt completely horrendous afterward). I am, however, really looking forward to our first growth scan ultrasound a few days after that. I want to know how big this kiddo really is!<br />
<br />
One other little thing that doesn't feel so little: I can't believe that as far as number of days left in this pregnancy, we're down to the double digits! As of today, my ticker (in the right side bar of the blog) says 98 days left. Holy macaroni.<br />
<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-F1OeqS1mx8c/UVI-Jklm61I/AAAAAAAABSc/GRsii4U0vPY/s1600/26w+belly.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="320" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-F1OeqS1mx8c/UVI-Jklm61I/AAAAAAAABSc/GRsii4U0vPY/s320/26w+belly.JPG" width="240" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">The belly at 26 weeks, measuring 27. Egads!</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
Amy L.http://www.blogger.com/profile/17013013895577702357noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-753625788767557038.post-797072681036945462013-03-19T18:24:00.002-07:002013-03-19T18:24:37.398-07:0025 weeks<strong>How Far Along:</strong> 25 weeks today. The two fetal fruit size comparison sites I look at have split once again. One says E2 should be the weight of a rutabaga (about 1.5 pounds) and 13.5 inches head to heel, but the other says he's the size of a head of cauliflower, 13.6-14.8 inches long and 1.5 to 2.2 pounds in weight. I really have no idea, other than his size, either way, is blowing my mind.<br />
<br />
<strong>Total Weight Gain/Loss:</strong> Um...my scale yesterday said 21 pounds, and today it said 20 pounds, so...yeah. I'll be weighed at Dr. M.'s on Monday, so we'll see what THEIR scale says. I'm a little nervous! Either way, my personal goal of gaining only 25 pounds during this pregnancy (since I started a tad bit overweight to begin with) will be blown out of the water.<br />
<br />
<strong>Maternity Clothes:</strong> Yep.<br />
<br />
<strong>Movement:</strong> Yes, and getting stronger! I finally managed to catch a couple of clips on video, but they're too short and easy to miss if you're not really staring. I know he'll get even stronger as the weeks go by.<br />
<br />
<strong>Sleep:</strong> Better, actually, but man, oh man, the dreams! Last night I had two very vivid ones. In the first, I was one of three Rainbow Fairies waiting backstage in a performance of The Nutcracker (FYI, there are no Rainbow Fairies in The Nutcracker). I was in my early teens and very lithe, neither of which I am now. In the second, I was being hunted, a la' action movie-style, with another person. It all moved very fast, some underwater going through a maze thing, some above ground, someone died (not me)...totally bizarre. I can't even blame it on what we watched on TV, 'cuz American Pickers is 100% non-violent!<br />
<br />
<strong>Gender:</strong> A baby brother for Aliya and Bennett.<br />
<br />
<strong>Symptoms:</strong> The usual, plus slightly swollen feet and ankles. Oh, my nemesis, Mr. Vomit, paid me a visit on Friday morning last week. No real reason...I'd felt a little nauseous in the morning, hadn't changed a thing about what I ate or drank, but still. And I felt poopy the whole rest of the day.<br />
<br />
<strong>Cravings:</strong> None.<br />
<br />
<strong>Belly Button In or Out:</strong> Still in, still shallow, with a lip.<br />
<br />
<strong>Freak-out of the Week:</strong> Crazily, not a single one. Maybe because E2 moves enough during each and every day that I just really don't need to worry.<br />
<br />
<strong>Looking Forward To:</strong> Our next milestone, 28 weeks. :)<br />
<br />
<strong>Next</strong> <strong>Appointment:</strong> Monday, March 25th for another cervical length ultrasound.<br />
<br />
<strong>Miscellaneous: </strong>Paul and I visited our local cloth diaper store on Saturday afternoon for the diaper tour. :) He had misgivings, even though we'd totally planned to cloth diaper the twins. I went in already fairly sure of what brand and type I wanted us to use, but we went through about half of what they carry, after confirming that daycares that accept cloth diapers tend to have preferences as to type (pockets and all-in-ones yay, the others, not so much). Paul and I both had lots of questions, and the service we received was great. We also talked baby carriers; Paul wants to wear E2 as much as I do, and I wasn't sure what type of carrier he'd actually be ok with wearing. We learned about (and I tried on) both the Ergo and the Moby, but Paul said no way would he wear a Moby (or the sling they had), so Ergo it was. When we were done we went to Costco, and he spied a couple who had a toddler in their cart and an infant in a carrier (mom was wearing), so he beelined over to ask about their carrier. Turns out it was a Moby, and both mom and dad love it! They carried their toddler son in it for a year, and even dad, a massive (6'7"?), brawny manly man, has worn both kids and loved it. Mom confirmed my one Ergo concern, which is that it would be totally bulky and a pain to use while trying to wear baby around the house, say, while vacuuming. Now we're sold on both, and Paul will actually wear the Moby, LOL!<br />
<br />
I've also received a few recommendations on daycares in Olympia, the city I work in/commute to (better to have baby close to me and doctors' offices than closer to home, we decided, since Paul will rarely have to pick him up). I'm really excited about one, but need to see if Paul wants to be present for the interview, which means holding my horses when I really want to call them NOW. We've been warned to get on wait lists as soon as possible, so every day that goes by makes me nervous.<br />
<br />
Needless to say, there's a lot of planning going on around here, and it actually feels really good. Now if I could just make up my mind and unjumble my thoughts around nursery decor. :)<br />
<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-D6OK_zqMo3I/UUkPGcB9sHI/AAAAAAAABSM/MMQHEgM7IfQ/s1600/25w+belly.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="320" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-D6OK_zqMo3I/UUkPGcB9sHI/AAAAAAAABSM/MMQHEgM7IfQ/s320/25w+belly.JPG" width="240" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">The belly, 25 weeks.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
Amy L.http://www.blogger.com/profile/17013013895577702357noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-753625788767557038.post-89560223591953816982013-03-12T18:22:00.001-07:002013-03-12T18:22:19.779-07:00Milestone: 24 weeksWow! I can't believe we made it to viability! Paul can't, either...he called me on his way home from work, sounding a little stunned. Next milestone: 28 weeks, our personal goal. We both hope this will be an amazingly fast 4 weeks. :)<br />
<br />
<strong>How Far Along:</strong> 24 weeks today. E2 is the length of an ear of corn (over 12") and over a pound in weight.<br />
<br />
<strong>Total Weight Gain/Loss:</strong> This gave me a slight panic attack yesterday, when, at 23w6d, our scale told me I'd gained almost 6 pounds in a week. That would NOT be good. My mind went worst case, and I found myself Googling the symptoms of preeclampsia and gestational diabetes. Thankfully, I had a 1:00 OB appointment yesterday. According to <em>their </em>scale, I'd only gain 5 pounds in TWO weeks. What the what? (And then Sierra fed me a piece of fabulous chocolate cake!) I reweighed myself this morning, and was only up a total of 16 pounds (two pounds more than last week), which is about on track for a weekly gain. I'm stumped...but I'll take it!<br />
<br />
<strong>Maternity Clothes:</strong> Yep.<br />
<br />
<strong>Movement:</strong> Yes! This was a great week for movement. Paul felt the baby move (FINALLY!) for the first time on Wednesday night (23w1d), and saw him move in my belly on Saturday (23w4d)! I couldn't stop grinning!<br />
<br />
<strong>Sleep:</strong> Ugh. Not good, but in a normal sort of way. I think it's what I've read about, how our bodies change during pregnancy so that we're spending more time in REM sleep with shorter sleep cycles. Needless to say, I wake up a gazillion times a night (and pee each time, because not peeing = Braxton Hicks contractions), turn over each time, and have weird dreams. <br />
<br />
<strong>Gender:</strong> A baby brother for Aliya and Bennett.<br />
<br />
<strong>Symptoms:</strong> I'm finally starting to feel as good as they tell us we will in the second trimester. This past week I had less nausea (knocking on wood!!), fewer aches and pains, more energy, etc. Yay! I'm still fatigued and
sleeping poorly, my skin's still a hot mess, and I'm still running really warm. I'm also waddling a bit, although I blame that partly on the sore butt I gave myself on Sunday during a fit of pruning perennials.<br />
<br />
<strong>Cravings:</strong> None.<br />
<br />
<strong>Belly Button In or Out:</strong> Still in, still shallow.<br />
<br />
<strong>Freak-out of the Week:</strong> No real freak outs, other than a worry that something bad would happen before we made the 24-week mark. Turns out, Paul felt the same way. We made it, though!<br />
<br />
<strong>Looking Forward To:</strong> Our next milestone, 28 weeks. :)<br />
<br />
<strong>Next</strong> <strong>Appointment:</strong> Monday, March 25th for another cervical length ultrasound.<br />
<br />
<strong>Miscellaneous: </strong>Tonight one of my oldest friends (ha ha, EJ, but I know I'm still older than you!) is having her baby boy, in the same hospital we delivered in (and will again), two doors down from the room I had the twins in, AND with one of our nurses, Nurse V, the only one we had never run into during any of our support group meeting trips to the hospital! I didn't really recognize her, and I didn't get the sense she really remembered me (or, if she did, she didn't react the way our other two nurses did), but it was good to see her anyway. She's taking good care of my friend, who will deliver (if she hasn't already!) E2's future playmate! I'm sending all my positive vibes and love her way tonight. I visited earlier and she was doing great! I can't wait to see her baby boy!<br />
<br />
This week's appointment was good. My cervix is STILL long and closed, although shortening little by little (to be expected, according to Dr. M.). It measured 4.1 cm. Even though my belly looks sort of giant right now (Dr. M. even said, "My, you're looking very pregnant today!"), my fundal height is right on track for 24 weeks. Baby looked good...and is still a boy (not sure why Dr. M. has to check each time, but there you go). He did print me off a new picture, but it's not very good. E2 was head down and, I think, sort of facing my back, so Dr. M. had a really hard time trying to get a nice profile shot. He settled for a (not so nice) straight-on head shot, which looks kind of creepy. It went <em>behind </em>the others in the stack pinned to the refrigerator. :)<br />
<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-YLB5dhj7QXQ/UT_T5HIp0jI/AAAAAAAABR8/u5dmjazCpH4/s1600/24w+belly.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="320" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-YLB5dhj7QXQ/UT_T5HIp0jI/AAAAAAAABR8/u5dmjazCpH4/s320/24w+belly.JPG" width="240" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">The belly at 24 weeks</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
Amy L.http://www.blogger.com/profile/17013013895577702357noreply@blogger.com10tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-753625788767557038.post-10696324481308979502013-03-05T18:28:00.001-08:002013-03-05T18:28:33.296-08:0023 weeks (and 19 months)Today marks 19 months since our firstborn daughter and son silently slipped from my body into view, perfect, so delicate, and still. We miss them so, so much. As I've mentioned before, I find it really difficult - especially the further along we get in this pregnancy (so much closer to hope) - to hold my joy and excitement and fear for this baby boy at the same time as my heartbreak and longing for Aliya and Bennett. I understand that's completely normal, and to be expected, and may feel this way until baby boy is here and at an age/developmental stage where he's gaining independence. That's, supposedly, when grief will hit me with its onslaught once again.<br />
<br />
*****<br />
<strong>How Far Along:</strong> 23 weeks today. E2 is the size of a grapefruit.<br />
<br />
<strong>Total Weight Gain/Loss:</strong> As of yesterday (22w6d), I am up 14 pounds.<br />
<br />
<strong>Maternity Clothes:</strong> Yep.<br />
<br />
<strong>Movement:</strong> Daily, and getting stronger.<br />
<br />
<strong>Sleep:</strong> So so. I'm forgetful, so can't seem to remember to check out new body pillows. In the meantime, I'm double-stacking pillows and seeing how that feels. It's definitely alleviating the right hip and rib pain, but not all aches and pains. That's ok.<br />
<br />
<strong>Gender:</strong> A baby brother for Aliya and Bennett.<br />
<br />
<strong>Symptoms:</strong> Nausea a couple of days this week (despite the Zofran and B-6), aches and pains, fatigue,
sleeping poorly, rosacea flare-ups, hot flashes, a little harder to get
up from a sitting
(or lying down) position, constipation, forgetfulness.<br />
<br />
<strong>Cravings:</strong> None.<br />
<br />
<strong>Belly Button In or Out:</strong> Still in, still shallow.<br />
<br />
<strong>Freak-out of the Week:</strong> No freak outs, but I am feeling Braxton Hicks a little more frequently (which does scare me a little each time). Baby also was kind of quiet over the weekend, but made up for it today.<br />
<br />
<strong>Looking Forward To:</strong> Making it one more week to 24 weeks - VIABILITY. It's amazing how very much that milestone means to Paul and I both right now.<br />
<br />
<strong>Next</strong> <strong>Appointment:</strong> Monday, March 11th for another cervical length ultrasound.<br />
<br />
<strong>Miscellaneous: </strong>We're signed up for a weekend Birth Preparation Workshop in May, and we're both excited (probably me more than Paul, but he's excited, too). I'll be 33 weeks then. After that, we'll meet with the doula, who teaches the workshop, to formulate our birth plan. One of these days I'll remember to write about meeting with the doula, and why we (well, mostly I, but Paul's being supportive) want to hire her and how that will hopefully help us. Meanwhile, I've started researching childcare options. Holy Hell, is this ever overwhelming! I'm once again going through some upheaval and transition at work (although not as drastic as last December 2011/January 2012), so it's unclear whether I'll be able to telecommute two days per week (and save on daycare those two days) or whether Baby Boy will end up in daycare five days per week. Just trying to determine what type of care (center or in-home, and if in-home, licensed or not) when I have a 19-mile, 35-minute commute each way to consider and no one close by to request referrals of makes it overwhelming. I got a lead on a private Facebook group that might be of help, though, so I'm going to give that a whirl. I wish I could be a stay-at-home mom, but I know myself; not only am I just about an equal breadwinner in this marriage (and the holder of the very affordable health insurance for the family), but I would also go a little nuts without adult interactions every day and a sense of personal accomplishment through contributing toward and completing work-related tasks. It's just who I am. Still, this daycare thing weighs heavy.<br />
<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-Lzoyr-MCwgk/UTapGMngiGI/AAAAAAAABRM/rd_r7K0TD5I/s1600/23w+belly.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="320" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-Lzoyr-MCwgk/UTapGMngiGI/AAAAAAAABRM/rd_r7K0TD5I/s320/23w+belly.JPG" width="240" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">The belly at 23 weeks.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
Amy L.http://www.blogger.com/profile/17013013895577702357noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-753625788767557038.post-60093455391761420532013-02-26T18:21:00.002-08:002013-02-26T18:21:58.732-08:0022 weeks<strong>How Far Along:</strong> 22 weeks today. E2 is the length of a
spaghetti squash.<br />
<br />
<strong>Total Weight Gain/Loss:</strong> As of yesterday (21w6d), I am up 13 pounds. Oopsie!<br />
<br />
<strong>Maternity Clothes:</strong> Yep.<br />
<br />
<strong>Movement:</strong> Daily. <br />
<br />
<strong>Sleep:</strong> Not so good. We spent the night in a hotel room with super cushy beds (queen sized - two of them, thankfully), and I was able to use my extra pillows for support between my knees. I have a body pillow on our bed, but it's sort of flat, and I've wondered if that's behind a lot of my hip, rib and shoulder pain. Even with the extra cush, I still didn't sleep well, but I didn't wake up nearly as sore. Tonight will be night two of extra pillows (on top of the body pillow) in our bed...not ideal, but it'll tide me over until I buy a new body pillow.<br />
<br />
<strong>Gender:</strong> A baby brother for Aliya and Bennett.<br />
<br />
<strong>Symptoms:</strong> Minor nausea (knocking on every wooden surface within reach right now!), aches and pains, fatigue,
sleeping poorly, rosacea flare-ups, hot flashes, a little harder to get up from a sitting
(or lying down) position, constipation, and severe ligament pains. I think it's safe to say that my uterus grew quite a bit this week. (It's measuring right on track for 22 weeks.)<br />
<br />
<strong>Cravings:</strong> None.<br />
<br />
<strong>Belly Button In or Out:</strong> Still in, but a lot shallower. During our hotel stay I was on the bed watching my belly for movement when Paul said something funny, and when I laughed, my belly button popped out! It went back in, though. :)<br />
<br />
<strong>Freak-out of the Week:</strong> No freak outs to speak of. However, I processed some guilt in therapy around feeling unable to properly grieve my twins while carrying this little guy. Thankfully, I was gently reminded that I can do both; it's not all or nothing either way, which is the way it feels sometimes, since grieving is often the only way I feel I can parent my firstborn daughter and son.<br />
<br />
<strong>Looking Forward To:</strong> Another week going by with no issues (fingers crossed).<br />
<br />
<strong>Next</strong> <strong>Appointment:</strong> Monday, March 11th for another cervical length ultrasound.<br />
<br />
<strong>Miscellaneous: </strong>I'm slowly buying a few things for this baby, and that feels good. I ordered a car seat cover, which arrived yesterday (finally), and bought him some clothing a few weeks ago. I have a couple of books on order for me, too - Dr. Sears' "The Baby Book - Revised Edition" and a breastfeeding book. The further along we get, the more comfortable I feel contemplating a "real" future with this little boy. Also, my appointment yesterday went well. My cervix is still long and closed (4.6 cm...weird how it gets longer and shorter, huh?), and baby looks good. Dr. M. surprised me by making the long-promised DVD of baby yesterday. At first I was bummed that Paul wasn't there, but Dr. M. was running at least a good hour behind schedule and went really fast, so that, coupled with the fact that his machine isn't as good as UW's and <em>that </em>ultrasound a couple of weeks ago was a really good look at E2 - made the crappy DVD ok. We did watch it last night and are glad to have it, but it's not something I'd sit the extended family down to watch...too much to explain (and some of it I couldn't even decipher because Dr. M. moved the wand so erratically at times).<br />
<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-KWow7LKkXC4/US1tCO1cKQI/AAAAAAAABQw/jwNl8dMaF80/s1600/E2+21w6d.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="240" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-KWow7LKkXC4/US1tCO1cKQI/AAAAAAAABQw/jwNl8dMaF80/s320/E2+21w6d.JPG" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">E2 at 21 weeks 6 days. His nose, mouth and chin remind me<br />of Bennett here...</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-Iwnjnkle-2A/US1toIu0kdI/AAAAAAAABQ4/bjUOzdZ7KIA/s1600/22w+belly.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="320" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-Iwnjnkle-2A/US1toIu0kdI/AAAAAAAABQ4/bjUOzdZ7KIA/s320/22w+belly.JPG" width="240" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">The belly at 22 weeks.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
Amy L.http://www.blogger.com/profile/17013013895577702357noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-753625788767557038.post-50683544049901952752013-02-19T18:25:00.002-08:002013-02-19T18:25:40.111-08:0021 weeksBefore I post my usual weekly update, I'd like to give a shout out to folks rejoining us through Facebook. I've just today turned the Networked Blogs feed back on for this blog after turning it off right after we got our BFP in October. Feel free to read previous posts for back story. The short version is that we are blessed to be expecting our miracle IVF baby boy, conceived through the magic of University of Washington Medical Center in Seattle. We got only three embryos during that cycle; he was number two (thus his moniker E2 throughout my posts) and the only healthy one. (The other two had lethal chromosomal abnormalities, which we learned through doing preimplantation genetic diagnosis, or PGD.) He may also be my last shot at a biological child; my egg quality sucks (eggs).<br />
<br />
While this pregnancy has been very stressful and frightening for both of us, we are in excellent hands. Both my local OB and my MFM (perinatologist) at UW are doing everything they can to keep me pregnant. There is NOTHING we take for granted; we can't afford to. Grieving our twins is still a very real part of our reality. As other babyloss parents have said about these babies after loss, or "rainbow babies":<br />
<br />
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span class="messageBody" data-ft="{"type":3}"><em>When
a rainbow appears, it does not mean that the storm never happened or
that we are not still dealing with its aftermath. It means that
something beautiful and full of light has appeared in the midst of the
darkness and clouds.</em></span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span class="messageBody" data-ft="{"type":3}">~Anonymous</span></div>
<strong></strong><br />
E2 is very much our light and beauty in the midst of darkness, and we hope to hold him, healthy and alive, in our arms this summer.<br />
<br />
*****<br />
<strong>How Far Along:</strong> 21 weeks today. E2 is the length of a carrot. That said...the little guy was measuring a full week ahead (on average) at our anatomy scan last Thursday (the day I publicly announced our pregnancy on FB). However, his noggin and belly measured TWO weeks ahead. Holy cow.<br />
<br />
<strong>Total Weight Gain/Loss:</strong> As of today (21w - these federal holidays mess me up!), I was up 10 lbs total. Right on track.<br />
<br />
<strong>Maternity Clothes:</strong> Yep.<br />
<br />
<strong>Movement:</strong> Daily. His movements are getting "big". He's also perfecting the art of kicking me in the bladder, and I'm pretty sure he also kicked me in the colon on Sunday night, which was.not.pleasant.<br />
<br />
<strong>Sleep:</strong> Not good. Last week's adjustments by my osteopath helped for a couple of days, but the rib pain, right hip pain and some shoulder/muscle pain have made sleeping really difficult. Well, plus the 5-6 potty breaks per night. Who am I kidding? (Also, whichever "expert" suggested not to drink liquids after 6:00 p.m. must not know anything, unless my body is weird. I pee more at night than I do all day long. Not fun.)<br />
<br />
<strong>Gender:</strong> A baby brother for Aliya and Bennett.<br />
<br />
<strong>Symptoms:</strong> Nausea, aches and pains, fatigue,
sleeping poorly, crappy skin (rosacea is out of control), hot flashes, a little harder to get up from a sitting
(or lying down) position, constipation.<br />
<br />
<strong>Cravings:</strong> Sweets. Not good!<br />
<br />
<strong>Belly Button In or Out:</strong> Still in, shallower yet, and a bit painful today.<br />
<br />
<strong>Freak-out of the Week:</strong> I didn't really freak out this week, but I was definitely nervous for our anatomy scan (they couldn't visualize baby's bladder during the 12-week NT scan). More than that, I was nervous to see what my cervix was up to, given the results of the last scan.<br />
<br />
<strong>Looking Forward To:</strong> Another week going by with no issues (fingers crossed).<br />
<br />
<strong>Next</strong> <strong>Appointment:</strong> Monday, February 25th for another cervical length ultrasound.<br />
<br />
<strong>Miscellaneous: </strong>The anatomy scan - the thing we had so looked forward to with the twins (where we thought we'd learn their sexes) but didn't make - went really well. The tech was pretty talkative and gave us four photos to take home. Baby was not shy about showing us his goods, which was nice. He was also pretty cooperative for all of the measurements. I asked about the cervical length ultrasound, just to make sure it wasn't forgotten. Good thing, too; somehow, that didn't make it onto the order. I was insistent that it be done (especially since Dr. M. deferred to UW on this one rather than doing it himself). The tech seemed a little annoyed (it was Valentine's Day, after all, and I was the last patient of the day), but did it. My cervix measured 4.1 cm (shortest yet, but still long) and closed with no funneling. We met with Dr. C., my MFM, afterward, and I ran down my list of questions. One thing: the "fluid pocket" we saw at the 18 week cervical length ultrasound was likely not there at all, but appeared due to the angle at which Dr. M. was holding the probe. Whew! This also means my cervix probably wasn't 5.1 cm last time as he had measured it. Still, it's gone from 4.8 to 4.6 to ?? to 4.1 over six weeks, so things are still looking good there. I only have two more measurements left before we kick that part to the curb. However, the 17P shots will continue weekly until 36 weeks or delivery, whichever comes first. The thing I liked best about the appointments at UW (besides getting so many awesome views of E2 and being able to feel and SEE his movements at the same time on ultrasound) is that Paul left feeling a little more connected to the baby and a little reassured at how well things are going so far. We're clearly not out of the woods, but we're getting closer...<br />
<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-wiu1KqnFg1I/USQ0AlUHXJI/AAAAAAAABQc/E1ruzrrlZ_I/s1600/21w+belly+1.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="320" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-wiu1KqnFg1I/USQ0AlUHXJI/AAAAAAAABQc/E1ruzrrlZ_I/s320/21w+belly+1.JPG" width="240" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">The belly, 21 weeks.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
Amy L.http://www.blogger.com/profile/17013013895577702357noreply@blogger.com5