If life is a highway, I'd prefer to be on a back road about now.
On the IUI front, we're progressing forward. I had my baseline follicle scan on Monday via transvaginal ultrasound, and found there's just a tiny residual cyst left (2x5mm) that shouldn't interfere with ovulation, so I got my plan, refilled my prescriptions for needles and syringes, and went on my way. The weird thing is the Lupron apparently *totally* shut down my hormones so that my antral (resting) follicle count was zero. Talk about confusing...looking at the screen, expecting to see white-outlined cirles in each ovary and instead seeing only white-outlined circles outside my ovaries - which turned out to be my intestines in cross-section - was pretty disconcerting. Dr. M. furrowed his brow a bit but said he thinks the cycle will be fine, it may just take a few more days of meds than usual.
So, I started my mini-Lupron shots yesterday morning (he had me mix my own mini-Lupron from the Lupron I had leftover from last month, so that was a money saver), and Paul christened my ass with my first of many 21 gauge, 1 1/2" needle "kisses" of Menopur this morning. The protocol is 2 ampules of Menopur in the morning, and one in the evening, with 0.2cc of mini-Lupron both morning and night. I go in for my first follow up blood draw tomorrow afternoon to check my estradiol level, which will tell Dr. M. how well my ovaries are "waking up" at this point. I'll go in again Sunday and Monday, and then Tuesday (CD9) will be my next follicle scan. The past two injectibles cycles, my follicles were "big enough" on CD9. In May, his nurse gave me the trigger shot in the office right after the ultrasound, and then Paul and I came back for the IUIs over the following two days. And, of course, we got pregnant with Aliya and Bennett.
This time, I'm not sure what to expect to see on CD9. I'm hoping I'll have 4-6 follicles growing, even if they're not the right size by then. I have to say, the past four months I've felt like my body has been ruined, that it's no longer predictable and I can't figure it out. I hate that feeling. I'm keeping my fingers crossed that everything goes ok this time...
Meanwhile, life took another sucky turn yesterday. I'm really not at liberty to say much about it due to some folks who read this blog, but things will happen pretty quickly so I'll be able to soon. In a very non-specific nutshell, those of us who have lost babies are counseled not to make any major life changes for the first 12 months...and unfortunately, I might be forced to make one. I'm really struggling with it, trying hard to stay positive and believe everything will work out ok, and on the other hand, damn it, why is all this shit happening to us? "Life is unfair" is currently the understatement of the century.
Once again, I am so glad we have a support group meeting tonight. I've ugly cried several times this week already and I have a feeling there's more where that came from.