When Lupron attacks

Today is Day 2 of the Lupron shots, and I think I'm feeling the effects. Perhaps I just had a cry out of nowhere because I needed a cry and it had been a few days, but the strength of the episode was unexpected.

This isn't my first Lupron rodeo. I've done two microflare Lupron protocols as part of our two previous superovulation IUI events - February (converted to IVF - BFN) and May (resulted in Aliya and Bennett). I don't know the dilution of mini-Lupron, which Dr. M. mixes in his office. I normally take 0.1 ml twice a day for seven days, along with the Menopur.

As of yesterday, I'm on 0.1 ml once per day of full strength Lupron. Just like with my mini-Lupron shots, I inject myself in the belly with a tiny insulin syringe. It stings a little bit, but the needle is really thin, barely bigger than an acupuncture needle.

I expect to bloat (more than I already have due to two months of birth control pills, scary thought), I expect to have some sort of side effects, and knew those could include high-running emotions. We'll see how the rest of the day goes.

I did wake up this morning from a very unsettling dream in which I was at my "what-the-Hell-is-going-on-with-this-cyst" ultrasound (which is actually scheduled for tomorrow morning at 10 a.m. PST). In the dream, Dr. M. rather aggressively used the wand (it's a transvaginal ultrasound, folks) to look at the cyst, and said, "I'm afraid it's grown to a dangerous size. We're going to have to get it out." I had a bunch of follicles on the left, too, but he said my ovarian function was permanently reduced. (I know, what the Hell? And, as if!) He also dug around and said the "missing blood vessel" somewhere in there (my cervix? the top of my vagina?) was very concerning. The room was full of two or three of his medical assistants (women who don't actually work there and I've never seen before in real life, by the way), and all I wanted was my husband and Sierra, one of his "real" medical assistants. It was bizarre and very disconcerting, and makes me wonder how much the Lupron is playing into this weirdness.

Now, I do feel a little anxious about tomorrow's ultrasound. I've been assuming the cyst has either grown or failed to improve to prepare myself for an aspiration. If I get good news, well, that's a bonus, but at least I won't (hopefully) be disappointed if the news is bad. I do feel anxious about how all of this - the cyst, the birth control, and especially the Lupron - will impact our next IUI in December, provided we're able to move forward (finally). We had planned to use exactly the same protocol that got us pregnant with Aliya and Bennett, and with full dose Lupron in the mix, that idea is obviously out the window. I know IVF usually has patients on birth control for one month, followed by "down-regulation" or "suppression" with full dose Lupron (I think in tandem with the "stims," or the follicle-growing hormone injections), but I think I'll be finishing the Lupron before my next period even starts. I have a lot of questions for Dr. M. Really, though, I just want it to all work out.