In addition to yesterday's post being a much-needed catharsis for me, as usual, it brought the added benefit of a heartfelt apology. I was able to speak my heartfelt truth, with my big girl panties on (which is so scary sometimes), and my words were received well and with sincerity. I will work on leaving that hurt behind, knowing, though, that I still will not go running to occasions with the larger group until I feel comfortable, which may be quite a while.
Meantime, at this moment, my dear friend is giving birth to her first child, a beloved son. She and I met at work...she e-mailed me, not even knowing me, after someone we both know told her I was pregnant with twins. We discovered we were only 5 days apart in gestation. Every Wednesday my gestation would flip by one week, and two days later, every Friday, hers would, always to the next week ahead of me. She was brave enough to stick by me, love me, ask how I was doing, after I lost the babies, even while her own kept on cooking...even when I freaked out (like, big time, big-sister-like) when she had a massive subchorionic hematoma (SCH) and bled and bled and bled for weeks...because MY bleeding led to catastrophy. Even though I'm sure it wasn't easy being my friend through all of that, all of my pain, all of my tragedy, she did. I was able to attend her baby shower at work and it was wonderful...we sat next to eachother and my apprehension of being there, in that situation, subsided.
So, now, today, she's maybe a couple of hours away from meeting her son, her husband about to meet the child whose gender he vehemently did not want to know until birth. They must be so excited, and anxious, and nervous. It's a moment I can't hardly imagine.
I am so, so thrilled for them...and yet so very, very sad for us...