The body remembers

Some time ago, I shared that I'd finally gotten on the waiting list for Molly Bears for my babies. If you don't already know, Molly Bears is a non-profit organization that makes and sends free teddy bears that are weighted to our lost babies' birth weights. The waiting list for these special bears is so backlogged that it only opens the very last day of every month, and only for a certain amount of time, to give folks a fighting chance of landing on the list without totally overwhelming the folks who make the bears. At the end of August, I think, I got up extra early before work and logged onto the computer, hoping to find the sign up form open, and it was!! I expected to not receive my bears until right around the first anniversary of losing the twins, August 2012. (I think I had numbers 1296 and 1297 on the list.)

Then, in December, I made a donation to Molly Bears through a posting on their Facebook page, helping them reach their monthly goal. This donation put me in a drawing to get my bears early, and I won!

Our precious little bears arrived on January 19th, delivered and left on our front porch despite the wicked snowstorm we were dealing with. The bears are very fuzzy, with funny smiles and velvety patches on their feet, and little stubby tails. I was expecting them to be teeny tiny, like my babies were, but they're actually 8 inches crown-to-rump and 11 inches crown-to-heel (in comparison, my little 14 weekers were about 3.5" CRL each, and 5" and 5.5" crown-to-heel). They're adorable.

What's so amazing, though, is my physical reaction upon holding them together to my chest. My body remembered the exact feeling of holding my babies' minute weights in my arms in the hospital, and I immediately started to cry. In fact, I cry any time I hold them (and I try to remember to pick them up daily from their perch in the living room). It's so weird, but also so amazing. Bennett Bear is the tiniest bit heavier than Aliya Bear, since Bennett weighed just a tiny bit more than Aliya at birth. It's truly, truly amazing, and I'm so grateful to have these warm, cuddly gifts to hold and cherish. (Plus, they're just so darned cute!)

If you've lost a baby, even if it was long ago, you might consider signing up for a Molly Bear. They can make them as light as my kiddos (1.3 oz and 1.2 oz), but I've read of bears made weighing over 11 pounds. They are free of charge to the mommies and daddies who need them, but they'll warm your heart forever. 

Bennett Bear and Aliya Bear