Sunday, February 19, 2012

The body remembers

Some time ago, I shared that I'd finally gotten on the waiting list for Molly Bears for my babies. If you don't already know, Molly Bears is a non-profit organization that makes and sends free teddy bears that are weighted to our lost babies' birth weights. The waiting list for these special bears is so backlogged that it only opens the very last day of every month, and only for a certain amount of time, to give folks a fighting chance of landing on the list without totally overwhelming the folks who make the bears. At the end of August, I think, I got up extra early before work and logged onto the computer, hoping to find the sign up form open, and it was!! I expected to not receive my bears until right around the first anniversary of losing the twins, August 2012. (I think I had numbers 1296 and 1297 on the list.)

Then, in December, I made a donation to Molly Bears through a posting on their Facebook page, helping them reach their monthly goal. This donation put me in a drawing to get my bears early, and I won!

Our precious little bears arrived on January 19th, delivered and left on our front porch despite the wicked snowstorm we were dealing with. The bears are very fuzzy, with funny smiles and velvety patches on their feet, and little stubby tails. I was expecting them to be teeny tiny, like my babies were, but they're actually 8 inches crown-to-rump and 11 inches crown-to-heel (in comparison, my little 14 weekers were about 3.5" CRL each, and 5" and 5.5" crown-to-heel). They're adorable.

What's so amazing, though, is my physical reaction upon holding them together to my chest. My body remembered the exact feeling of holding my babies' minute weights in my arms in the hospital, and I immediately started to cry. In fact, I cry any time I hold them (and I try to remember to pick them up daily from their perch in the living room). It's so weird, but also so amazing. Bennett Bear is the tiniest bit heavier than Aliya Bear, since Bennett weighed just a tiny bit more than Aliya at birth. It's truly, truly amazing, and I'm so grateful to have these warm, cuddly gifts to hold and cherish. (Plus, they're just so darned cute!)

If you've lost a baby, even if it was long ago, you might consider signing up for a Molly Bear. They can make them as light as my kiddos (1.3 oz and 1.2 oz), but I've read of bears made weighing over 11 pounds. They are free of charge to the mommies and daddies who need them, but they'll warm your heart forever. 
Bennett Bear and Aliya Bear


  1. Oh I am sooooo jealous!!! I signed up for a Molly Bear about a year ago, and I am still far, far down on the waiting list. I did the donation drawing thing too but obviously didn't win. Boo. I know the wait will be worth it, so I'm trying to be patient! I'm in the 900s though. I often get on there to check where they are on the list. Ha! I guess I should just be thankful that I got on the list before they started closing it. So glad you got your bears--they are adorable! And I'm glad they bring you such comfort!!

  2. They are so cute! I am super jealous too! I keep hoping ours will get here before Mason as I would love to have it in the hospital, but I am in the 790's. So glad you have yours, I think they are amazing!

  3. I love this idea. I have a couple of bears that I hug when I get sad. They are from the nurses at the hospital...but they are really light. I like the idea of them being the same weight as my twins. I may fill them heavier myself just to make them a little more relatable.
    I am glad you have them to hold on to.
    P.S. I drove past the Tenino exit today and thought of you!

  4. I LOVE that you were one of the winners. And these bears are such an awesome and strong idea.


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