Wednesday, October 31, 2012

Here comes crazy

I'm pretty sure I jinxed myself. Just last night, I turned to Paul as we lazed on the couch and asked, "Can you believe we're so calm about being pregnant?" He couldn't.

Well, never mind. This morning I awoke from a very vivid dream in which Dr. H. performed our first ultrasound (which is still 8 days away), and my uterus was completely empty. There was not only no embryo with a heartbeat, which is what we hope to see, but there wasn't even a gestational sac. I was never pregnant.

Needless to say, I'm not feeling very calm today. Pregnancy symptoms this early come and go, but even knowing that (and having experienced it with the twins), I can't shake this feeling of dread. I decided if I still felt this way on Friday, I'd go have Dr. M.'s office run another beta (one that Dr. H. didn't request; that office only wanted the two I already got). After messaging with a friend, though, (hi EJ!) I decided to go today.

Sierra was great. The test may not be run until tomorrow because the lab director isn't in today, but even knowing it will be helps.

Anything can happen between today and next Thursday (hell, anything can happen at any point from here in out). I can only pray my dream does not come true...

Edited to add: my beta was 4,830. The doubling rate has slowed a bit, but is still faster than it was with the twins. I feel better now!


  1. :/ so sorry about the dream. I so hope it was just a nightmare. Butbivthink understand how quickly you can take the turn to crazyville. This won't be the last time this pregnancy, I can assure you. It's a long, hard road. Thinking of you. Hurry up ultrasound! Geez!

  2. That is a great beta! Sending lots of good vibes your way for continued good news...I know this part is super nerve-wracking.

  3. Hold on tight.
    I hope today's beta was high and that your ultrasound next week helps to put your mind at ease.

  4. Hello crazy! Welcome to the party! Go in as often as you need. Whatever helps keep the crazy down is worth it. The most helpful thing is how quickly the time passes. It really does fly. Can't wait for our first playdate :)

  5. Your feelings are normal after all you have been through. Maybe some meditation or gentle massage can help you relax :) I know you have so much positive energy coming from every direction to keep this baby strong and healthy until he/she arrives safe and sound! Keeping you in my thoughts.

  6. The sleeping brain can be such a little bitch. Mine scared the hell out of me throughout my pregnancy. My husband has had a recurring dream (3 times so far) that something terrible happens to Caroline now that she's here. I hope the test eases your mind. Thinking of you.

  7. Thinking about you and praying for positive baby images this week! Hang in there.

  8. Hi... Up in the middle of the night and you and your ultrasound this morning (I think) came to mind. Just wanted you to know my thoughts are with you, and I'm hoping for great news!!! Post an update when you can! Hugs!


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