10 weeks 2 days

The timing of this week's post has been weighing on my mind. It hit me this week that this baby is due the same week - two days before - the 23-week anniversary of my water breaking and losing Aliya and Bennett. These weekly updates will only happen in an anniversary week six more times before baby comes...but if this first is any indication, they'll all be difficult.

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How Far Along: 10 weeks 2 days. E2 is the size of a fig.

Total Weight Gain/Loss: I'm up almost six pounds. I suppose I should slow down, huh? I feel like I'm making up for all the weight I didn't gain during my pregnancy with the twins. I'm currently back at my pre-twin-pregnancy weight...which is the same as I weighed when I delivered. That doesn't feel very good. :(

Maternity Clothes: I still have the same maternity clothes struggle, made worse this week when the slacks I had been wearing now kill across the middle, even unzipped and unbuttoned (and held up solely by my Bella Band). After talking with my counselor (who I continue to see weekly), we realized that my current belly is at just about the same size as it was at this point with the twins. That's insane...and I didn't expect it. It also turns out to be a PTSD trigger. (Why do I feel like I'm walking in a minefield?) But, as both Laura Jane and K (Addi'smom) commented in my last weekly update, I really do need to embrace the maternity wear. It's my reality, and I do need to be comfortable. Today I wore my black maternity pants to work (it took four sheets of lint roller to get all the post-laundry lint off, no joke!), coupled with a button down shirt I have that was just barely long enough to cover the panel all the way around. Needless to say, there was several wardrobe adjustments throughout my day. This is a situation I need to remedy, and soon.

Movement: E2 is now moving (and swallowing amniotic fluid!) in my belly, but is too small for me to feel anything yet.

Sleep: Still pretty good, still interrupted by many, many bathroom breaks. Last night I didn't take my Unisom with my Vitamin B-6, so found myself wide awake after a 12:30 a.m. bathroom trip. I folded and took half a Unisom and was out like a light. I slept pretty poorly with the twins, so I am relishing this sleep (plus I somehow feel so much more tired this time).

Gender: That's for us to know and you to find out (later)! :)

Symptoms: I'm struggling the last week with more breakthrough nausea than in previous weeks. I'm not sure why that is; I should be at the point now where my hCG has plateaued. My boobs also have been periodically really painful (like, they hurt when I sit still kind of thing, achy/sharp pains), but I know that's normal. I'm having more frequent rosacea breakouts/flare-ups lately, too, which I remember later in the first trimester last time. I look forward to gorgeous, glowing skin in the second trimester (that's what I got last time...a girl can hope!).

Cravings: The Portland steak dinner craving was satisfied last Saturday, and it was everything I dreamed of! I haven't had any real craving since, but I'm definitely eating well. (See: Total Weight gain/loss, above.)

Belly Button In or Out: Still in. It feels a bit like it's going in further. (See: Total Weight gain/loss, above.)

Freak-out of the Week: Actually...this week has been a little harder than previous weeks. Not only was the twins' anniversary looming, but I've just been more emotional in general. I go from anxious about next week's ultrasound (i.e. E2 will have died, you all know what I'm talking about, that fear) to feeling warm and fuzzy about the life within my belly. What I am a little disconcerted by is the push-pull of my varied medical team.

Case in point: My IVF REs at UW wanted me to stop the daily 8% Crinone gel (progesterone up the vag) at 10 weeks...which was Tuesday. I did as instructed. Also on Tuesday, I went in per Dr. M.'s request and had a progesterone/estradiol/Vitamin D (he's freaked that I'm on 5000 iU Vit. D daily per my naturopath). Normally, I hear back from him no later than overnight the evening of the blood draw. We went to bed at 8:00 last night and I hadn't heard anything, so I took 1/2 an Estrace (1 mg) per his earlier order (he's trying to wean me off of it) given I hadn't heard otherwise. I checked my phone this morning when I got up - still no message from Dr. M. I took my Estrace again. By mid-afternoon today, when I still hadn't heard anything, I excused myself from a meeting and called Sierra to find out my results. "All normal," she said. UM! Stay on the Estrace? What about the Crinone? She said stay on everything...and I've been 48 hours with no Crinone. Crap! She said it should be fine...and I know Dr. M. had me stay on the progesterone in oil shots until 11 weeks with the twins, so maybe that's his standard protocol...but it's not UW's standard protocol. Who do I listen to? I've decided to err on the side of caution and listen to Dr. M. (well, Sierra in this case, since I still haven't talked to Dr. M. myself). (See, and then my brain freaks and thinks, great, I'm going to lose E2 because I took myself off the progesterone sooner than I should have and my body can't do this and the placenta isn't making enough progesterone on its own yet and...you know, total and utter crazy train. Stop the insanity! I am not bleeding, I am not cramping, I have no reason to think anything is wrong and E2 won't have a perfectly normal heartbeat on Monday!)

What I Miss: My twins, and preparing for the holidays with two little people who would be busy exploring all the new stuff in their environment. And, my innocence.

Looking Forward To: Being done with this first trimester and past the 14-week mark. I know, I know, that's future tripping...but still.

Next Appointment: Monday, December 10th for an ultrasound at 10w6d.

I leave you with a belly shot comparison...same gestational age, two different pregnancies. There is a little bit of bloat in both, but you get the idea. Funny thing is, I was in complete denial just two or three days before the bottom picture that I was actually showing. HA!

Belly 2012 - 9w4d with E2 (and Bella Band
...that weird thing that looks like my belly button
is the unbuttoned fly of my jeans)

Belly 2011 - 9w4d with the twins. My
belly was firmer then than now, but still...
isn't the size uncanny?