11 weeks

Look! A pregnancy update on the actual day my gestational calendar flips to a new week! *patting self on back* I figured I'd better pound this out now, before Paul is home and I find my place on the couch. Plus, I promised Molly I would. ;) (Hi, Molly!) It has been a most interesting week...

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How Far Along: 11 weeks today. E2 is now the size of a fig. Last week's edible item was a grape, but pregnancy brain plays tricks on me. Also, I guess that's what I get for reading ahead in my books.

Total Weight Gain/Loss: As of today I'm actually back down to a net gain of 3.5 pounds. Much improvement. I think it's because my constipation is easing a teensy bit.

Maternity Clothes: No changes here. I wore those linty black maternity pants today. Holy hell, are they ever baggy in the ass! If I can get moving at a decent time on Saturday (very difficult for me lately), I would like to hit Old Navy, JC Penney and Kohl's, if necessary, to see if they have anything appealing. Mama needs some variety (and more pieces, at least for bottoms right now).

Movement: E2 is officially moving. While I can't see it, I saw it clearly during yesterday's ultrasound. I can't feel diddly squat yet.

Sleep: Same as previous.

Gender: Same secret as previous. :)

Symptoms: I've had a little more back pain (middle to lower) this week, and today I've had more ligament pains. I also get a pain on either side of my pubic bone from time to time, kind of a dull ache, that I think is also things stretching and moving around in there.

Cravings: Actually, none this week at all. I think satisfying the underlying Need for Portland Steak Dinner (see last week) quelled all other cravings - at least for now. Well, plus, my morning sickness has been ramping up, which makes choosing foods so unappetizing.

Belly Button In or Out: In.

Freak-out of the Week: Uh, yeah. All of yesterday, and this morning on the way to work, Freak Out Central. I woke up yesterday feeling really off and emotional, so I stayed home. I had two medical appointments scheduled yesterday. I cried probably six times in the morning before I left, and was teary on the way to my ultrasound. I wasn't at all nervous about the OB appointment; I was am neurotic feeling fearful and mistrusting of my body (my cervix, specifically), and also really grieving the twins. A lot. My OB appointment was fine; E2 measured 11w1d (two days ahead) with a heart rate of 175 (perfect for this stage, although anxiety-inducing for me because the twins' heart rates never went below that, and in fact, as I've stated, showed signs of infection at 14w0d and evident infection at 14w1d, after Aliya's water broke). Dr. M., even though I have the NT scan to look for chromosomal disorders (other than the known) next week, took it upon himself to locate E2's nasal bone (hi, bone!), the lack of which is a soft marker for Downs Syndrome or other major trisomies, and also performed a quick NT measurement (normal). I was quickly reminded how much clearer transvaginal ultrasounds are then transabdominal...and have the E2=blob photo as evidence. I recorded the entire ultrasound on my iPhone so I could share it with Paul, since he's missed both this one and the last one.

I asked Dr. M. when he planned on looking at my cervix. He said at 16 weeks. I reworded my question: "When will you do a visual inspection of my cervix - not the cervical length ultrasounds that will start at 16 weeks - along with all the other regular prenatal bloodwork and stuff?" The answer was the same, 16 weeks. I'm sure my voice hit a higher octave indicative of my panic. :) I told him that given I've had to sweep Crinone (which I am no longer on, by the way) out of my vagina every morning with my finger, I've weeks of feeling my cervix, and I don't like the way it feels. It feels softer than I'd expect, a little bit open, and for the seventieth time, I think I feel a polyp or something around the opening! It SCARES me, given what happened last time. "Can I request a cervical exam?" Yes. I am now scheduled for a look-see of my cervix on Christmas Eve day. I hate that I felt like I had to fight to get this. I feel not listened to. Perhaps I'm truly just as unnecessarily anxious as he implied, but you know what? He didn't birth two dead babies. He also reminded me about the article he showed me last time, saying, "Remember, that study showed only a 5-6% chance of recurrence of preterm labor of a singleton after preterm labor of twins." I said, "Yes, and given that's actually higher than the chance I would have lost my twins to a second trimester miscarriage - WHICH I DID - that stat doesn't help me feel any better."

What I Miss: Feeling normal...whatever that is. Also, that feeling I could have that this might actually be a normal pregnancy. I won't probably believe it until E2 is here, alive and well, and can look back at (knocking on wood) a complication-free pregnancy.

Looking Forward To: Getting all the way through 14 weeks. Three weeks and six days to go. :|

Next Appointment: Thursday, December 20th for the nuchal translucency ultrasound, a follow-up with the genetics counselor, and a follow-up with Dr. C., my MFM, all at University of Washington. (I will be asking her opinion about this funky-cervix fear I have, and my second guessing of prophylactic cerclage versus the cervical-ultraound/wait-and-see approach.

E2 at 10w6d. Blobby head is on the left, butt on the right.
You can see an arm and a leg in this photo.