Total Weight Gain/Loss: As of yesterday (17w6d), I was up 7 lbs total.
Maternity Clothes: 100%, well, except for undies. I'm actually back in my "regular" undies, which hit an inch or so above my pubic bone. I'm finding those more comfortable currently than my granny panties, which come up over my belly button.
Movement: Getting much more frequent and stronger. Today I felt a kick from the outside for the first time ever. It was amazing!
Sleep: Crappy. And the dreams, OMG!
Gender: Two weeks 2 days and counting...
Symptoms: Ravenous hunger; stuffy nose; still nauseous (still on Zofran). Occassional ligament pains this week. Spotty short term memory. A little clumsy (I've opened cupboard doors into my belly more times this last week than I'd care to admit). Sore nipples. Slightly improved skin (yay!). Lower back/backside of ribs pain. Less fatigue this week.
Cravings: None this week...although I've been sort of jonesing for some Hostess, especially those cinnamon sugar-ish donuts in the mixed box (you know, powdered sugar, cinnamon sugar and plain...the plain are only good for picking up bits of the stuff that falls off the other two kinds). Sad, isn't it? Perhaps a buyer will come through and start producing those products again soon...by which time, I probably won't want to be anywhere near them.
Belly Button In or Out: In, shallower, and a little achy.
Freak-out of the Week: No freak-outs, just grief. I can't believe my babies will have been gone a year and a half in just a week. How has that much time gone by? I hate that they feel so far away from me...and at the same time, I'm finding it really difficult to grieve and be pregnant at the same time, which I know is normal. Perhaps part of it is we're closer to the end of the 18- to 24-month hard grieving timeline we were told we might experience, and it's actually easier...but I feel more like I don't have the mental space, and that's not a pleasant place to be. It's my job to keep my babies' memory alive...it's the ONLY way I can mother my children. And I just don't feel like I'm doing a very good job right now...even though I cry every single stinking weekend.
Looking Forward To: The anatomy scan, and announcing our pregnancy. I keep having to catch myself from posting a telling remark in reply to my friends' comments on Facebook. But, really, I just won't feel ready to come clean until after the anatomy scan.
Next Appointment: Monday, February 4th for another transvaginal cervical length ultrasound. We're also (finally!) meeting with a doula on the evening of Tuesday, February 5th. I'll talk about that in a future post.
Miscellaneous: I was stuck listening at my desk to an awful 2-hour webinar at work today (yawn), so I entertained myself by Googling "fetal foot length" and then marking lengths for 18 and 20 weeks on a piece of scrap paper. Then I found an online medical journal with charts for bone lengths at almost ALL gestations (femur, fibula, tibula, humerus, radius, ulna) and wrote those down. Arms don't contribute to length, but it is interesting how arms and legs are nearly the same lengths by now (like, within a millimeter or two). I was really curious how big E2 is in comparison to my little angels, my only frames of reference. Aliya and Bennett were 5.5 inches and 5.0 inches crown to heel, respectively (by Nurse V's tape). If I assume 50th percentile all across the board, then E2 should measure somewhere around 7.4 inches crown to heel. (Paul and I are both tall - I'm nearly 5'10" and he's 6'2" - so E2 might be longer than that.) WOW.
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| The belly at 18 weeks. It still looks much the same, although it feels a little "pointier" today near the top. |
Moving right along my dear. I know right where you are with trying to be joyous about your pregnancy and grieving your angels. It's hard. Really hard. I find it difficult even after the baby is here, especially now that I have even less time to think of my twins. I have no words for that other than enjoy every moment of this pregnancy.
ReplyDeleteYour bump is adorable..just hang in there. I hope rest of the pregnancy remains uneventful and you have a bouncing baby in your arms at the end of it.
ReplyDeleteI wore regular underwear the whole time and just bought one size larger than normal. I couldn't handle the maternity panties! Too funny.
ReplyDeleteI get the pregnancy/grief mutual exclusion thing. Toward the end of my pregnancy, I think I overcompensated by really grieving hard for Eliza when the Deuce was so close. instead of getting happy or excited. It will never feel like "enough," but you have grieved A & B so long and hard, and this baby will never diminish their loss. There is absolutely nothing wrong with embracing the joy and hope of this pregnancy. And nothing wrong with crying every weekend either. Pregnancy hormones are intense.
Giant Hugs . . . personally I think that Aliya and Bennett would want you to enjoy this pregnancy and they know you love them even if you spend more time thinking about the new baby.
ReplyDeletelooking good! Other people's pregnancies always seem to fly by..as in, I can't believe you are already 18 weeks! (I know it probably feels sooooo slooooow for you)
ReplyDelete18 weeks- wow! :) So glad you're doing so well so far. The grief is overwhelming when pregnant- it goes right along with the fear. I hope you get a reprieve soon.
ReplyDeleteAnd underwear, I never bought maternity underwear! Ever! I only bought granny panties for the postpartum time since I didn't want to ruin any of my stuff. I didn't hate retiring them at all- awful!
Love it! Good looking belly!
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