Tuesday, January 1, 2013

The infamous 14 weeks

This week has haunted me, especially over the last several days. Thank God this pregnancy is at a completely different time of year, a cold, dreary season instead of the height of summer. I am grateful that it's now 2013, a new and different year, and equally grateful that we (somehow) made it through the holidays again.


How Far Along: 14 weeks today. E2 is the size of a lemon...the same size Aliya and Bennett were.

Total Weight Gain/Loss: It would appear I'm starting the 2nd trimester up about 7 pounds. Not sure how the extra two happened in the course of a week, but there you have it. Oh, wait...stress eating. Of course.

Maternity Clothes: Full time maternity pants, except for my sweats and pj bottoms. I attempted to shop for maternity tops at the mall last weekend, and then was reminded why all of my maternity clothes last time came from Tacoma, an hour north. I have a couple of other places to try locally that I didn't try last time. I'd like to avoid setting foot in Motherhood Maternity at all costs.

Movement: Daily! E2 is moving quite a bit, tons yesterday during work and last night as we watched TV. I always feel the flutters and light popcorning movements in the same general spot, about 2.5 inches below and to the left of my belly button. In fact, I feel them right now. :)

Sleep: Decent, although I've had several bad, violent dreams in the last week. I chalk that up to stress.

Gender: We'll tell you eventually...just not yet.

Symptoms: Starving to nauseous, two days of vomiting (six times yesterday, the eve before the 2nd trimester, WTH??). Fatigue. Boobs are still a bit sore, but I know that will pass. My rosacea is so bad that Paul actually commented about it the other night. Nice. :|

Cravings: They come and go quickly. Right now I could really go for a grilled cheese sandwich on sourdough (one of my staples last time) with a side of Top Ramen (with hard boiled eggs and green onion), plus the mashed potatoes and sausage gravy at our local casino's buffet. Ok, maybe not all at once, but they all sound really good right now. Instead, I think I'll have a bowl of cereal to tide me over until Paul returns from work.

Belly Button In or Out: In.

Freak-out of the Week: It was a week of emotion. I cry (or at least tear up) several times a day throughout the day as it is right now. Add to that: flashbacks from last year at this point, remembering what I was feeling/thinking in the days leading up to losing Aliya and Bennett; missing my babies so badly every day; dreading Thursday (14w2d, their delivery point); some stupid, thoughtless family drama that has thrown us both a major, upsetting curve ball; and alternatively feeling either like E2 will never come home with us (i.e. we won't make it past this week) or will. This really sucks...and it's a time of feeling very, very alone. Thank God for my fellow BLMs who have walked this path, and for my therapist.

Looking Forward To: Still 16 weeks, when we start "doing something" to save this pregnancy, and 28 weeks when we might finally be able to relax a little. Maybe.

Next Appointment: January 7th for another unofficial transvaginal cervical length ultrasound and transabdominal look at E2.

14w0d (today)


  1. I'm happy you are finally at this place. Not because it brings back scary things for you, but because it means you are closer to a 'safer' stage. I know there are no guarantees, but my second pregnancy proves that just because one loses twins, doesn't mean she can't carry a singleton. You just keep the faith and push on and before you know it, you will be in that third trimester.

  2. I love the way you are documenting this and I may steal the idea (i'll give you credit). I know tomorrow will be a difficult day. But you have to do what I am doing and keep repeating. This isn't last time. This isn't last time. This isn't last time. It works well for me though I still have like 5 weeks of the crazies to go before I pass my scary reminder mark.

    1. Thanks, Karen, but the format is one I've borrowed from BLMs before me. :)

  3. I remember so well the way I would vacillate from this resigned "This is out of my control" attitude to frantically trying to think about what I could do to make everything "perfect" (except I'd tried that the first time and it hadn't worked out...). Neither one is very satisfying, especially when I was so scared that I was never going to have a baby to bring home.

    Hoping this week passes quickly. And I can't wait for you to reveal the gender! Such a tease.

  4. Omg 14 weeks... I'm so ready for it to be 15! I'm so sorry for the extra...stuff going on. Love you lots! Always around if you need someone to laugh or cry or vent to!

  5. Hoping the weeks continue to move quickly for you...I so remember the anxiety of wanting it to be over already and a living baby in your arms. Sending many thoughts your way!!!

  6. I think you are really brave, and your weekly updates are so honest and hopeful. You're doing great!

  7. Yay, haven't checked your blog in a long time. I'm so glad E2 looks good! I'm sorry everything is so stressful. I had good luck with maternity clothes from gap.com and they have frequent sales. Keep plugging along!


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